June 20, 2011

Louis CK on being a dad-- the hidden piece of his happiness



It's no secret I love Louis CK.  He's funny but insightful in a way only comics can be. 

And certainly sacrificing yourself, subsuming your own "dreams" and focusing on the dreams of your children is a thesis entirely consistent with this blog.

So I write this with that love declared upfront.

Here's the missing piece of his PSA about being a father.

A while after his leg fell asleep on the toilet, and before he had that epiphany to flush down his own personal dreams and devote himself to his kids...he had a divorce and moved out.

I have no doubt he is a great father.  But-- and this is a big but-- it is much easier to go all in with parenting when the courts obligate you to give the kids to someone else every night.  Don't yell at me, divorced parents, I'm not criticizing you, I realize you have other burdens. But if he hadn't had the divorce, I doubt he would have made this PSA.

So this isn't a judgment on him at all.  Maybe he's able to focus so well on his kids because there's no reason to try and steal moments away.  He knows he will have a blocks of time that are free of the greatest killer of creative work: interruptions.

And maybe modern married creative couples need to create a system or regular "breaks," I have no idea.  What I do know is that it is much easier to be two kinds of people at different times, then be two kinds of people at the same time.





Comments

"So what, what's so great a... (Below threshold)

June 20, 2011 7:17 PM | Posted by TheCoconutChef: | Reply

"So what, what's so great about our lives?"

And then freedom.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 12 (12 votes cast)
He says in the video that m... (Below threshold)

June 20, 2011 10:48 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

He says in the video that making more people is the most meaningful thing a person can do. I don't disagree, but it's not for everyone(infertility and homosexuality notwithstanding), and I think for myself I would be better off if I didn't add to The Problem by making more people.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 6 (18 votes cast)
Why can't being a father be... (Below threshold)

June 20, 2011 11:07 PM | Posted by K: | Reply

Why can't being a father be a personal dream? Why is it always giving up things? Are other people always in the way, so I can't be happy? Why can't I be happy with them and because of them?

"So what, what's so great about our lives?"
- My family?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 14 (18 votes cast)
Being father *can* be a per... (Below threshold)

June 21, 2011 12:18 AM | Posted, in reply to K's comment, by The Rambling Fool: | Reply

Being father *can* be a personal dream. However, it is one of many potential dreams a man can have, and in an individualistic society, it is not one of the 'dreams of choice' for a majority.

All he is saying, and alone is saying, is that giving up individualistic dreams (i.e. old perceptions of accomplishment) to build a family (i.e. creating new avenues of accomplishment) is a positive thing; it's an adult thing, it's a masculine thing.

And yes, this does need to be said. Because it is (sadly) in direct competition with our society's values.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 23 (23 votes cast)
There's been some good stuf... (Below threshold)

June 21, 2011 9:40 AM | Posted by sdenheyer: | Reply

There's been some good stuff about parenting on this blog (stuff my wife and I have used, or maybe will) - but this is one of the best.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (8 votes cast)
"I got off the toilet, flus... (Below threshold)

June 21, 2011 11:25 AM | Posted by Nando: | Reply

"I got off the toilet, flushed my personal dreams down..."

At least, he didn't piss away his family's future for a "legal education."

http://thirdtierreality.blogspot.com/

In fact, my brother in law recently graduated from dental school. He is a nice person, but he now owes $350K in student loans. Hell, Sallie Mae has already made sure that his wife will make the payments until he lands a job.

He and his three young children will suffer financially because he selfishly decided to go to dental school at age 34. Now, he is nearly 40. How in the hell will he be able to repay $350K, most of it in private student loans?!?!

If this is not bad enough, his wife now wants to go for her PhD in American History.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -10 (26 votes cast)
So are you saying divorced ... (Below threshold)

June 21, 2011 1:08 PM | Posted by wisegirl: | Reply

So are you saying divorced fathers can be better fathers because they make the most of scheduled times with their children and married fathers could do the same by scheduling quality time and activiites with their children?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (5 votes cast)
That book you're writing? N... (Below threshold)

June 21, 2011 1:24 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

That book you're writing? Not this post, but the one you link to about writing/getting started on a goal/not procrastinating. Put that in your book, definitely.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (8 votes cast)
"That book you're writing? ... (Below threshold)

June 22, 2011 12:46 PM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

"That book you're writing? Not this post, but the one you link to about writing/getting started on a goal/not procrastinating. Put that in your book, definitely." [2]

you have material for more than one book, Alone, considering both the amount and the range of topics of your posts, as some people have already noted.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 5 (5 votes cast)
"a positive thing; it's an ... (Below threshold)

June 23, 2011 8:34 AM | Posted, in reply to The Rambling Fool's comment, by Sfon: | Reply

"a positive thing; it's an adult thing, it's a masculine thing."

"Masculine" implies it is a male thing. It isn't about being a man, but being an adult. If someone does it, they will do it to be an adult. Doing it to be male is silly, and so is encouraging people to do it for that reason. Unless we want to associate being grown up more with one sex than the other.

---

We've been big on telling our children to do for themselves, that they are important and special. Do people even realize anymore that taking care of Grandma is an important part of a child's development? Not seeing why they should take care of Grandma is as bad as not seeing why they should live for anything other than Grandma.

Being a complete human means taking care of both oneself and others. Our humanity is within our interaction with each other, the meaningfulness of our lives defined by it. It is what we are built to do and find happiness in. Other things are certainly worth doing, but only in our spare time.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 7 (15 votes cast)
"but my kids love me... go ... (Below threshold)

June 23, 2011 9:11 AM | Posted by bogdan: | Reply

"but my kids love me... go figure!"

hehe... I'm guessing his kids haven't seen his number with the "cleaning shit out of the stupid little bitch's cunt" part

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 6 (8 votes cast)
All people deserve very goo... (Below threshold)

June 23, 2011 8:35 PM | Posted by SHIRLEYHaynes: | Reply

All people deserve very good life time and credit loans or college loan can make it better. Because freedom relies on money state.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -4 (8 votes cast)
to be two kinds of people a... (Below threshold)

June 24, 2011 1:38 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

to be two kinds of people at different times, then be two kinds of people at the same time ---> "... at different times THAN BE..."

?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
"And certainly sacrificing ... (Below threshold)

June 24, 2011 4:35 PM | Posted by Francois Tremblay: | Reply

"And certainly sacrificing yourself, subsuming your own "dreams" and focusing on the dreams of your children is a thesis entirely consistent with this blog."

Really? I had no idea. I guess I'll stop reading this blog then.

Thanks for the warning.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (6 votes cast)
You're kind of a douche.</p... (Below threshold)

June 24, 2011 7:40 PM | Posted, in reply to Francois Tremblay's comment, by name caller: | Reply

You're kind of a douche.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 3 (5 votes cast)
But Nando, he went to denta... (Below threshold)

June 25, 2011 10:26 AM | Posted, in reply to Nando's comment, by Davey: | Reply

But Nando, he went to dental school, not law school - surely given the way dentists have not allowed an oversupply to ruin their careers - as pointed out by your blog http://thirdtierreality.blogspot.com/2009/09/dental-school-v-law-school.html

making a good return on his investment won't be a problem. He still has 20 years working life left.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Louis CK is an unfunny libe... (Below threshold)

June 26, 2011 5:34 PM | Posted by someone: | Reply

Louis CK is an unfunny liberal shithead.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -12 (20 votes cast)
I'm glad you decided to hon... (Below threshold)

June 26, 2011 11:44 PM | Posted, in reply to someone's comment, by eqv: | Reply

I'm glad you decided to honour us with your opinion.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Davey,Restricting ... (Below threshold)

June 27, 2011 11:45 AM | Posted, in reply to Davey's comment, by Jack Coupal: | Reply

Davey,

Restricting the number of students entering dental schools, and maintaining high educational standards for those students, there's one more factor that favors dentists in today's economy.

Dental insurance is famous for poor or no coverage for really expensive dental procedures: dental implants, crowns, bridges. So, the patient pays out of pocket for them. The dentist gets what the dental market will bear.

The dentists' low exposure to government and insurance companies, means that existing dentists control their profession more rigidly than physicians do.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
What makes the dreams of on... (Below threshold)

June 28, 2011 9:34 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

What makes the dreams of one's children more worthy than one's own? Why don't theirs get scare quotes? Is it just because, having fathered them, you have a duty to them?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (2 votes cast)
"they are not me so I dont ... (Below threshold)

June 30, 2011 5:51 PM | Posted by markps2: | Reply

"they are not me so I dont give a shit" says Louis CK at the end of
"Louis CK steals scales for pot" on youtube.
Admits to crime to F up teacher and Father that defended him, and does not compensate the victim today as an adult.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (3 votes cast)
"I got off the toilet, flus... (Below threshold)

July 12, 2011 4:55 PM | Posted by lemmy caution: | Reply

"I got off the toilet, flushed my personal dreams down..."

He is a TV and Movie star. What did he want to be? An astronaut?

The "I am so much of a better parent since I got divorced" thing is odd.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (5 votes cast)
He is a TV and Mov... (Below threshold)

July 19, 2011 12:40 PM | Posted, in reply to lemmy caution's comment, by DataShade: | Reply

He is a TV and Movie star. What did he want to be? An astronaut?
A movie star who gets more blowjobs?

Does it really matter, tho'? The fact that he had everything someone else might want and was still unhappy isn't the inconsistency that disproves the theory - it *is* the theory.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
To paraphrase David Cross: ... (Below threshold)

July 19, 2011 12:43 PM | Posted, in reply to markps2's comment, by DataShade: | Reply

To paraphrase David Cross: "I did not actually do the things I just said I did. I admit it, it was not true, it was what is sometimes called a 'joke.' I will be telling several others here tonight."

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
"A movie star who gets more... (Below threshold)

July 19, 2011 12:58 PM | Posted, in reply to DataShade's comment, by lemmy caution: | Reply

"A movie star who gets more blowjobs?"

In Louis CK's mind, "becoming a better parent" = "getting a divorce". "becoming a better parent"/"getting a divorce" did not reduce the number of blowjobs Louis CK gets.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
In Louis CK's mind... (Below threshold)

July 19, 2011 9:27 PM | Posted, in reply to lemmy caution's comment, by DataShade: | Reply

In Louis CK's mind, "becoming a better parent" = "getting a divorce". "becoming a better parent"/"getting a divorce" did not reduce the number of blowjobs Louis CK gets.

No, no, no. Divorce wasn't going to reduce the number of blowjobs, because, in his own words, by the time the divorce happened, the only thing he had left was the world's saddest handjob.

And he didn't get a divorce to become a better parent, he got a divorce, moved out, got those interruption-free nights and weekdays that Alone referenced in his post, and then found: "hey, now that I get court-appointed time away from my kids, it's really easy to focus on only them, instead of me, when I'm with them."

This matches Alone's previous thoughts on children, which is: you don't have to be a good parent, but for those times where you're required to be a parent, you absolutely have to be there, not off in some fantasy about how much better your life was supposed to be.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 3 (5 votes cast)
As is known to all historie... (Below threshold)

July 26, 2011 6:39 AM | Posted by Oakley Limited Editions Sunglasses: | Reply

As is known to all histories make men wise, see this article, let I to a new understanding of life
Oakley">http://www.theoakleysunglasses.com">Oakley Limited Editions Sunglasses

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (2 votes cast)
A knowledge, a growth, a go... (Below threshold)

July 29, 2011 10:52 PM | Posted by cheap chi flat iron: | Reply

A knowledge, a growth, a good article can make a person to enhance the taste, thank you for sharing, I will carefully read the product to make themselves rich!
cheap chi flat iron

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (2 votes cast)
TLP,As a Louis CK ... (Below threshold)

August 19, 2011 10:01 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

TLP,

As a Louis CK fan, you need to do a piece on the most recent episode where Louie has a visit from an old comic buddy he knew from when he started out.
The guy is not doing well; he's a drunk, etc. He tells Louie his plans for the future...

Very interested in how you thought Louie handled it.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Everyone could be happy, bu... (Below threshold)

April 25, 2012 5:29 AM | Posted by edit page : | Reply

Everyone could be happy, but not all people know what makes them happy and how to get it.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
He actually admits (in one ... (Below threshold)

November 11, 2012 6:16 AM | Posted by Adrian: | Reply

He actually admits (in one of his radio appearances, I think) that it's easier for him to be a good dad because of the divorce. I think it's when he tries to explain to either Opie or Anthony why having kids is great, that he adds something like: 'but you should get a divorce first.'

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
To help protect your teeth ... (Below threshold)

November 19, 2013 9:26 AM | Posted by dental assistant shool: | Reply

To help protect your teeth from cavities you must brush your teeth several times a day. The best oral care routine is to brush your teeth each morning and night as well as after each meal. If you cannot brush your teeth after a meal, chew a piece of sugar-free chewing gum to help clean your teeth and fresh your breath.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Post a Comment


Live Comment Preview

October 30, 2014 19:24 PM | Posted by Anonymous: