The Abusive Boyfriend
And he's not mean, or controlling, not like that. No, not really.
But he's careful to make sure you don't notice that a certain movie is on tonight, and he's deftly avoided ballroom dancing lessons with you. And he walks you the other way if he spots one of your friends, or any billboard with Gabriel Aubry on it.
He's not jealous, he just doesn't want you... distracted.
He has no problem admitting that other men are attractive ("I'm no Tom Cruise"), but never the men that you yourself find attractive.
He's never mean or disrespectful to your friends when you're out together (he goes reluctantly, but for you), but later he reminds you of how you're better than they are, and when they do things "like that" it's silly/wrong/beneath you. He never says you can't go out with them, but there's always a coincidental reason for you not to. "Oh..... well..................... I had a special night planned for just the two of us..."
How sweet he is, once a month he buys you a new CD, classical music, with a flower, though now you don't really listen much to the music you used to like.
He is always with you, always in contact with you. Even when he's not there you hear him in your head like a voice over. You've even said to him, "sometimes I'm about to do something that I would have done before I met you, and then I hear your voice and I think, "well, Tom would say XYZ" and I realize that I shouldn't do it after all, and I feel so much happier having that part of you with me" and he nods knowingly, yes, he says silently, you're learning to be a better person.
No one else who knows you understands why you're with him.
But you're not unhappy. When you're with him, alone, things are usually great. And he loves you, there's no question. Maybe you think he's worried you don't love him? But you do, how can you express that to him, so he believes it, so he doesn't have to feel threatened by anyone else?
Save your breath, that's not what he's worried about. He has a different class of dread, because he is, after all, really smart, and perceptive. He has, deep down, that feeling that you're not really compatible, and he may even know he's not good for you-- he may suspect he's actively clipping your wings so you don't get away.
He tells himself that he's keeping bad influences away from you, protecting you from "your old self." But he doesn't completely believe that-- he is,after all, perceptive-- he secretly knows these "bad" things are better for you, they are more you. He knows you'd be happier with them. But then there'd be no room left for him.
What's he sure about is that this is the best there is. Other things, different things, may make you temporarily happier; more money, a trip, more freedom, a bigger dick, laughs with friends, but in terms of your life, your soul, this is as far as you need to go.
He will help you pursue any goal, any happiness, as long as it does not compromise your relationship with him. He will give you everything and allow you to do anything, as long as nothing makes you wonder if he isn't manipulating you, as long as nothing makes you wonder if another kind of life is possible. Not a better life, just a different life. He'll take a bullet for you on instinct, but if another man innocuously tells you he's also interested in art history or compliments your hair, then you'll relentlessly over months be presented with subtle reasons why art history is a fraud and you need a haircut. Attacking the man would be too transparent.
But why so much energy controlling the world? Why not just let things be and see what happens? Is he so afraid things will get worse?
No. He's afraid things will get worse or they will get better. He is afraid of change, any change, not just because the relationship may change but because if it changes then he would have to change. Into what? How? With what resources? With what net? Once change has happened, doesn't that mean other possibilities were obliterated? It is his possibilities he is trying to beat down with your sclerosed dreams.
All that matters is keeping the relationship intact. Even if you both end up miserable, better misery and stability with him than the tachycardia of something else, something unknown, something he can't control or defend against.
Do you know this guy? You think you do.
This is what you need to know: the boyfriend I'm describing isn't Tom, the hipster who's number one on your speed dial. And no, I'm not directing this at you, man-boy, I'm not saying you are doing this to your woman, though you may be. At any moment there is only one person in the room no matter how many people are in the room, and that one person, you, is lugging around the same man you've lived with for years. The abusive boyfriend I'm describing is your unconscious, and Tom has nothing on him, though Tom has, through the hypertrophied intuition of damaged men, figured out how it all works.
The unconscious doesn't care about happiness, or sadness, or gifts, or bullets. It has one single goal, protect the ego, protect status quo. Do not change and you will not die. It will allow you to go to college across the country to escape your parents, but turn up the volume of their pre-recorded soundbites when you get there. It will trick you into thinking you're making a huge life change, moving to this new city or marrying that great guy, even as everyone else around you can see what you can't, that Boulder is exactly like Oakland and he is just like the last guys. And all the missed opportunities-- maybe I shouldn't, and isn't that high? and he probably already has a girlfriend, and I can't change careers at 44, and 3 months for the first 3/4 and going on ten years for the last fourth, and do I really deserve this?-- all of that is maintenance of the status quo, the ego.
You think you're with Tom by accident? You were set up.
And when all else fails, it will beat you down with apathy. Or the Monday night lineup. Or pot. Or-------------------
The men, or women, aren't lying to you, and you're not even lying to yourself. You are being lied to, by yourself.
Score: 119 (131 votes cast)
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April 8, 2011 11:58 AM | Posted by : | Reply
You had me going there until I realized you meant one's self. And instantly I knew this was true.
Score: 5 (9 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 12:12 PM | Posted by : | Reply
I am Jack's raging bile duct.
Score: 26 (28 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 12:39 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Thank goodness for psychoanalysis.
Score: 1 (5 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 1:12 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Jeez louise, what if you have a subconcious and an ex like that?
Score: 14 (14 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 1:38 PM | Posted by : | Reply
I read this and thought, "This is how I used to be." Then I thought, maybe I'm still lying to myself?
What is the test to catch yourself lying? Actual changes, taking risks and often failing or being hurt? Then getting up and doing it all over again, improving yourself? Real, gut-wrenching changes versus superficial acts...thoughts?
Score: 11 (11 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 3:03 PM | Posted by : | Reply
What about the flip side (you touched on it briefly)? When you cling to doing things that make you "most uncomfortable" (but are the most appealing) in favor of doing things that make you feel "static" (but are unappealing)? I see this often with fellow housewives: trip here, move there, change this, upgrade that, all to avoid accepting where you are.
Or is that just another change to be avoided? Keep things in motion, since you've always been in motion, to avoid having to change to the new environment?
Score: 9 (9 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 3:24 PM | Posted by : | Reply
"Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous, up until now. But I can be cruel.
Sarah: (disbelieving) Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything that you wanted, I have done! You asked that the child be taken - I took him. You cowered before me - I was frightening. I have reordered time, I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
Sarah: Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered... I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city to take back the child you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours... and my kin-
Jareth: Stop! Wait. Look, Sarah, look what I'm offering. (he holds out the crystal) Your dreams!
Sarah: (undeterred) And my kingdom as great...
Jareth: I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want.
Sarah: Kingdom as great... ... damn... I can never remember that line.
Jareth: Just fear me - love me - do as I say, and I will be your slave!
Sarah: My kingdom as great... my kingdom as great... (she looks at him, inspired) You have no power over me!"
Score: 28 (28 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 3:52 PM | Posted by : | Reply
this does not sound like alone.
You can't have been reading very long then.
Anonymous: Cudos for the Labyrinth quote.
Score: 6 (6 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 5:34 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Wow, very, very nice.
Very well written.
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 5:57 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Great work, small quibble which I am totally potentially wrong about. I've always thought of the manifestation of that voice, the "pre-recorded subtitles" as the super-ego. The unconscious can be the voice of stagnation, but also of creative inspiration, which can be quite oppositional to stasis. While, at least as I see it, the super-ego is always the moralities and opinions of others restraining you (occasionally positively, like: 'hey, don't murder' but mostly in a 'hey: don't be free because I am not' sorta way)
In any case, the internalized criticism of others viz the fear of change (manifest as guilt) is the greatest internal restriction on freedom we face.
Score: 6 (6 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 6:52 PM | Posted by : | Reply
This might be your best one yet.
Score: 7 (7 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 7:38 PM | Posted by : | Reply
I'm not a twat - other people are
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
April 8, 2011 9:36 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Wonderful. While reading the first half of that post I looked from as many perspectives as I could at my own relationships to try to make your narrative fit (as I've been conditioned to expect them to). However, whichever lens I tried to view them through, the description didn't really resonate with me.
Then with that sudden adjustment to the narrative, the cognitive dissonance immediately faded and I came to understand your meaning!
Score: 6 (6 votes cast)
April 9, 2011 12:13 AM | Posted by : | Reply
So Alone isn't talking about Tom ..
but Tom exists ?
"He has no problem admitting that other men are attractive ("I'm no Tom Cruise"), but never the men that you yourself find attractive. "
Irony ?
Score: 0 (4 votes cast)
April 9, 2011 12:58 AM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
Should have figured there'd be a twist to it. I gave up half way through and missed it.
Score: -3 (3 votes cast)
April 9, 2011 8:44 AM | Posted by : | Reply
So why bother with consciousness at all? What am I actually contributing to this? Why not just let the blank unconscious "decide" mechanically how I do and do not behave and skip the formality of there actually being "something" there just bearing witness, along for the ride?
When I feel that I am "consciously" dis-regarding some injunction or other, is this "me" at my point of freedom (I am free to not do what must be done, etc.), or just some hidden "clause" in the injunction which allows for it's breaking?
If the conscious just is a void given form by the unconscious, why bother with the distinction; am I not just open 'all the way down'? Drive, for example... does it 'really exist' in its pure form, a priori, "actually in there" some where, quietly dictating my perceived motivation, or is it an after-the-fact correlation of disparate and spontaneous / arbitrary behaviours?
(not rhetorical questions)
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
April 9, 2011 8:58 AM | Posted by : | Reply
Terrific post, Alone. Thank you for all the effort you put into this blog.
Score: 4 (6 votes cast)
April 9, 2011 9:55 AM | Posted by : | Reply
"At any moment there is only one person in the room no matter how many people are in the room, and that one person, you, is lugging around the same man you've lived with for years. The abusive boyfriend I'm describing is your unconscious."
This helped me more than the past 6 mnths of therapy.
Score: 3 (5 votes cast)
April 9, 2011 12:03 PM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
Annie, can you please elaborate?
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
April 9, 2011 12:04 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Perfect timing. Just got off of a 6 month wake-and-bake binge - this essay really helps clarify why I keep abusing the good herb.
What type of psychotherapy would be best for uncovering more of these inner mind games?
Score: 6 (6 votes cast)
April 9, 2011 6:13 PM | Posted by : | Reply
First, it bears repeating that this post is very fine, perceptive, beautiful even.
Second, while the metaphor is instructive for describing the problem, and understanding the problem is obviously necessary to finding a solution, it breaks down when you start trying to actually devise that solution. The way you deal with an abusive boyfriend is by leaving him. There is no use trying reform him because he isn't interested in being reformed or redeemed, and you can't control him. So you have to go and stay gone.
You cannot leave your subconscious. Some say you can, but I've never seen it done in person. Nor can you kill it, like you might Tom. Unless of course you're willing to go the whole murder suicide route. I mean you could try to fight him, and maybe you'd be able to get on top a few times, but all the smart money is on the boyfriend. He's like a hundred pounds above your weight class.
If there's a way out it's collaborative and conciliatory. I don't know precisely what that means practically, though.
Score: 11 (13 votes cast)
April 10, 2011 12:52 AM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
NoFixedAbode: basically anything but "supportive" therapy. Psychodynamic will help you explore your mind, but even CBT will help you learn to challenge your assumptions and automatic behaviors.
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
April 10, 2011 3:09 AM | Posted by : | Reply
Perfect, thanks again for writing this blog.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 10, 2011 7:54 PM | Posted by : | Reply
I can say that as best as I can tell, I've gotten "away" from my unconscious for short periods of times.
It's not that it disappeared completely, it just was pushed far enough away that it transformed from the driving force of my conscious thoughts to sort of this funny little character trying to get my attention. Profound indeed... imho, there is no curing it, only transcending it.
What does everyone do to deal with this abusive ex?
Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
April 10, 2011 8:49 PM | Posted by : | Reply
@Django I should first point out that I read this post right before reading this post. (http://partialobjects.com/2011/04/how-to-get-results/)
The two combined (mainly the part about 'eating a death cookie'), were dead ringers, articulated in a way that for whatever reason, hit like a tonne of bricks. I just haven't had that "ton of bricks" feeling throughout 6 months of CB therapy. The metaphor helped to draw a straight line between a few seemingly unrelated behaviours. "You are being lied to, by yourself" nailed it for me.
I had to read this post a few times and in doing so, discovered that not only can we sub out "he" for "your unconscious," but I can also alternate "abusive boyfriend" for "abusive career" or "abusive eating." Definitely not abusive in ways we're used to ("he's not mean, abusive or jealous"). Rather "his" endless self-sabotaging of any efforts to move beyond the status quo. "Miserable, but stable." Que the unshakeable anxiety, then the insomnia.
The eerie, and now obvious thing about this post is that if read literally, it still describes men I date. Mirror images.
Thanks Alone - one of your best, no doubt.
Score: 10 (10 votes cast)
April 10, 2011 9:49 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Has anyone noticed that "alone" is in bold?
Score: -5 (5 votes cast)
April 11, 2011 10:18 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Whowashere:
I've only read a bit on psychodynamic explanations, but the super-ego is part of the unconscious, no?
I love the blog, Alone, and I have kind of an oddball question (for anyone with experience with therapy, or even who's read enough to wager an informed guess): can people with personality disorders be helped by therapy?
I suspect I have schizoid personality disorder, and the more I read the more disheartened I become, as many people say that personality disorders cannot be treated. Once I can get insurance I'll pursue therapy anyway--can't hurt to try, plus I'm hoping that I have a different, more tractable problem(s)--but has anyone else been pegged with a PD and subsequently found effective, lasting help?
Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
April 12, 2011 1:09 AM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
Can people with personality orders be helped by therapy? Your mileage may vary.
In other words: Seek out a therapist (or psychoanalyst, if you're up for it) whom you feel you can trust, not merely tolerate. A professional opinion will be best garnered from someone you build a therapeutic relationship with, not a coldly clinical one. Self-diagnosis is a tricky business at best. You owe it to yourself to check it out.
And I'm sorry if that comes off as condescending; I don't know how much you know (or don't) about therapy.
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
April 12, 2011 10:35 AM | Posted by : | Reply
This is a beautiful post, as many before me have remarked. As I read it and re-read it, as a man, I wonder, "am I lugging around the same man I have been for years, or is that a woman I've been lugging around?"
Does what you're describing in this, again, beautiful, post, work in a precisely symmetric way with respect to gender? I don't mean the various examples, which would flip trivially: "She'll take a bullet for you on instinct, but if another woman innocuously tells you she's also interested in big trucks or compliments your hair, then you'll relentlessly over months be presented with subtle reasons why Monster Truck Racing is a fraud and you need a haircut."
Rather, I'm asking about the beauty of the post itself. You describe the male Abusive Boyfriend for a woman, and it winds up, in a beautiful arc, being her genderless Unconscious. If you started with the female Abusive Girlfriend for a man, and it wound up being his genderless Unconscious, would the post be equally as beautiful?
I don't think so, because of this one sentence: "At any moment there is only one person in the room no matter how many people are in the room, and that one person, you, is lugging around the same man you've lived with for years." I feel like I, too, am lugging around the same man I've lived with for years, and, though all the build-up of the Abusive Girlfriend would be spot-on, and all the following description of the unconscious would be equally insightful, flipping that one sentence to have me lugging around a woman for years would feel like a "miss," so to speak.
Try it, let me know what you think. Maybe it's just me.
Score: 0 (4 votes cast)
April 12, 2011 1:01 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Wonderful post. For a guy, might it be the "Abusive Father who'll never be Satisfied"?
Meanwhile, watch this and try not to vomit:http://tinyurl.com/42e2h3o
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 12, 2011 2:56 PM | Posted by : | Reply
http://thirdtierreality.blogspot.com/
Score: -2 (2 votes cast)
April 13, 2011 9:21 AM | Posted by : | Reply
Forgive me for going all Jungian here - but this seems to fit with the Jungian concept of "animus", namely the negative animus. Animus/anima is our link between conscious and unconscious, and as such it is pretty common to confuse animus/anima with the unconscious itself, when in reality, the unconscious is much more vast (and balanced, once a constructive relationship is built with one's animus/anima - sorry for the shorthand that can sound like woo-woo, I just don't want to write a book when better ones have been written by people much more knowledgeable and experienced). As for anoonamouse's pertinent question about it being a woman for men, right on according to Jungian thought: "anima", negative anima in this case.
When animus/anima are unconscious (not recognized by the ego for their "go-between" function, oversimplifying of course) is when they're negative. I'll try a feeble attempt at putting it into more plain speech: we all carry around ideas of What Should Be (archetypes), and for ourselves that's What I Should Be. When we avoid parts of ourselves, whether positive or negative, or indeed, when we judge things too quickly as "good" (positive) or "bad" (negative), we trigger a negative relationship with our unconscious, that's personified by animus/anima (and men-anima, women-animus isn't carved in stone, it's "merely" meant to represent this relationship, communication, with the unconscious). Negative why? Because a part of ourselves is being repressed. Building a constructive relationship (therapy helps) allows us to learn how to deal with parts of ourselves, giving them expression in healthy ways (not just doing whatever you feel like, eh). As for putting into plain speech what "the unconscious" is, I won't even try, I'm no psychologist or analyst, just an analysand muddling her way through her own issues in part by intellectualizing :D
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
April 13, 2011 7:31 PM | Posted by : | Reply
What about Mark, the dangerous and tempting bad boy with whom you have pleasure on the spot, only feeling bad or guilty afterwards ? Don't know why he attracts you some much, but he sure gets you all the time (until the day you fall for guys more like Tom).
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 15, 2011 9:39 PM | Posted by : | Reply
This is what makes insight so beautiful. Great therapy is an art form and it transends time.
The personal becomes perspective, and the fear fades. This is when you leave control behind and figure out who you are or can be.
This is the heart of therapy and I love it-like great songs, paintings, movies.
Great job expressing it.
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
April 21, 2011 12:40 PM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
Agreed. I was thinking the same thing. This reads like a guest post.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 21, 2011 12:45 PM | Posted by : | Reply
I didn't think this was good at all. Surprisingly bad. Which is why I think someone else wrote this.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 21, 2011 1:35 PM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
YRK: Check out Dialectical Behavior Therapy which was devised for Personality Disorders but is helpful for all of my clients.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
May 8, 2011 10:56 AM | Posted by : | Reply
I honestly believe that this post is the single most useful thing I've read on the internet. Thank you TLP.
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
June 10, 2011 12:57 AM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
Well, that's kinda just you. That and/or it's a cultural thing, to only be able to see this abusive self as a man.
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
June 10, 2011 12:58 AM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
"What about Mark, the dangerous and tempting bad boy with whom you have pleasure on the spot, only feeling bad or guilty afterwards ? Don't know why he attracts you some much, but he sure gets you all the time (until the day you fall for guys more like Tom)."
Well, that's Tom telling you that he's a "dangerous and tempting bad boy." And why do you think that you feel bad or guilty afterwards? Tom.
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
June 10, 2011 1:00 AM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
Well, opinion *is* subjective... That and/or that's Tom trying to make sure that his tactic's stay hidden...
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
June 10, 2011 6:59 AM | Posted by : | Reply
A little creepy, but how very true!! Brilliantly written!
Zoe
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
June 13, 2011 12:29 AM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
thanks, wilyliam. I was asking myself the same.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
June 15, 2011 6:19 PM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
"Thank goodness for psychoanalysis."
well...
you can be thankful, but this is not psychoanalysis.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
July 6, 2011 2:23 AM | Posted by : | Reply
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsZFLD1VS6A&feature=bf_next&list=SL&index=12
07:31-Perfect example of that "abusive boyfriend"
It's not a ba show either, by the way
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
July 9, 2011 3:55 PM | Posted by : | Reply
"It will allow you to go to college across the country to escape your parents, but turn up the volume of their pre-recorded soundbites when you get there. It will trick you into thinking you're making a huge life change, moving to this new city or marrying that great guy, even as everyone else around you can see what you can't, that Boulder is exactly like Oakland and he is just like the last guys. And all the missed opportunities-- maybe I shouldn't, and isn't that high? and he probably already has a girlfriend, and I can't change careers at 44, and 3 months for the first 3/4 and going on ten years for the last fourth, and do I really deserve this?-- all of that is maintenance of the status quo, the ego."
So true... we sabotage ourselves in so subtle ways...
Thank you very much, Alone. Thank you very much indeed.
Everyone should read this.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
July 18, 2011 6:32 PM | Posted by : | Reply
They both deserved better. Some passions are meant to play out in the moment, never more.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
July 26, 2011 5:56 PM | Posted by : | Reply
I've read this post over and over, and I've read all the comments, and I still don't understand it. Am I so out-of-touch with my own thoughts that I don't even see this happening, or does it just not happen to me?
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
July 27, 2011 1:26 AM | Posted, in reply to , by : | Reply
Have you ever been on therapy?
Have you ever tried to change something about yourself?
There you have.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
July 27, 2011 2:03 PM | Posted by : | Reply
“Unnecessary risks are being taken by patients seeking the liberation treatment.” says Dr. Avneesh Gupte of the CCSVI Clinic. “It has been our contention since we started doing minimally invasive venous angioplasties nearly 6 years ago that discharging patients who have had neck vein surgery on an outpatient basis is contra-indicated. We have been keeping patients hospitalized for a week to 10 days as a matter of safety and monitoring them for symptoms. Nobody who has the liberation therapy gets discharged earlier than that. During that time we do daily Doppler Ultrasounds, blood work and blood pressure monitoring among other testing. This has been the safe practice standard that we have adopted and this post-procedure monitoring over 10 days is the subject of our recent study as it relates to CCSVI for MS patients.”
Although the venous angioplasty therapy on neck veins has been done for MS patients at CCSVI Clinic only for the last 18 months it has been performed on narrow or occluded neck veins for other reasons for many years. “Where we encounter blocked neck veins resulting in a reflux of blood to the brain, we treat it as a disease,” says Gupte. “It’s not normal pathology and we have seen improved health outcomes for patients where we have relieved the condition with minimal occurrences of re-stenosis long-term. We believe that our record of safety and success is due to our post-procedure protocol because we have had to take patients back to the OR to re-treat them in that 10-day period. Otherwise some people could have run into trouble, no question.”
Calgary MS patient Maralyn Clarke died recently after being treated for CCSVI at Synergy Health Concepts of Newport Beach, California on an outpatient basis. Synergy Health Concepts discharges patients as a rule without in-clinic provisions for follow up and aftercare. Post-procedure, Mrs. Clarke was discharged, checked into a hotel, and suffered a massive bleed in the brain only hours after the procedure. Dr. Joseph Hewett of Synergy Health recently made a cross-Canada tour promoting his clinic for safe, effective treatment of CCSVI for MS patients at public forums in major Canadian cities including Calgary.
“That just couldn’t happen here, but the sooner we develop written standards and best practices for the liberation procedure and observe them in practice, the safer the MS community will be”, says Dr. Gupte. “The way it is now is just madness. Everyone seems to be taking shortcuts. We know that it is expensive to keep patients in a clinical setting over a single night much less 10 days, but it’s quite absurd to release them the same day they have the procedure. We have always believed it to be unsafe and now it has proven to be unsafe. The thing is, are Synergy Health Concepts and other clinics doing the Liberation Treatment going to be changing their aftercare methods even though they know it is unsafe to release a patient on the same day? The answer is no, even after Mrs. Clarke’s unfortunate and unnecessary death. Therefore, they are not focused on patient safety…it’s become about money only and lives are being put at risk as a result.”
Joanne Warkentin of Morden Manitoba, an MS patient who recently had both the liberation therapy and stem cell therapy at CCSVI Clinic agrees with Dr. Gupte. “Discharging patients on the same day as the procedure is ridiculous. I was in the hospital being monitored for 12 days before we flew back. People looking for a place to have the therapy must do their homework to find better options. We found CCSVI Clinic and there’s no place on earth that’s better to go for Liberation Therapy at the moment. I have given my complete medical file from CCSVI Clinic over to my Canadian physician for review.” For more information Log on to http://ccsviclinic.ca/?p=866 OR Call on Toll Free: 888-419-6855.
Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
July 27, 2011 2:04 PM | Posted by : | Reply
“Unnecessary risks are being taken by patients seeking the liberation treatment.” says Dr. Avneesh Gupte of the CCSVI Clinic. “It has been our contention since we started doing minimally invasive venous angioplasties nearly 6 years ago that discharging patients who have had neck vein surgery on an outpatient basis is contra-indicated. We have been keeping patients hospitalized for a week to 10 days as a matter of safety and monitoring them for symptoms. Nobody who has the liberation therapy gets discharged earlier than that. During that time we do daily Doppler Ultrasounds, blood work and blood pressure monitoring among other testing. This has been the safe practice standard that we have adopted and this post-procedure monitoring over 10 days is the subject of our recent study as it relates to CCSVI for MS patients.”
Although the venous angioplasty therapy on neck veins has been done for MS patients at CCSVI Clinic only for the last 18 months it has been performed on narrow or occluded neck veins for other reasons for many years. “Where we encounter blocked neck veins resulting in a reflux of blood to the brain, we treat it as a disease,” says Gupte. “It’s not normal pathology and we have seen improved health outcomes for patients where we have relieved the condition with minimal occurrences of re-stenosis long-term. We believe that our record of safety and success is due to our post-procedure protocol because we have had to take patients back to the OR to re-treat them in that 10-day period. Otherwise some people could have run into trouble, no question.”
Calgary MS patient Maralyn Clarke died recently after being treated for CCSVI at Synergy Health Concepts of Newport Beach, California on an outpatient basis. Synergy Health Concepts discharges patients as a rule without in-clinic provisions for follow up and aftercare. Post-procedure, Mrs. Clarke was discharged, checked into a hotel, and suffered a massive bleed in the brain only hours after the procedure. Dr. Joseph Hewett of Synergy Health recently made a cross-Canada tour promoting his clinic for safe, effective treatment of CCSVI for MS patients at public forums in major Canadian cities including Calgary.
“That just couldn’t happen here, but the sooner we develop written standards and best practices for the liberation procedure and observe them in practice, the safer the MS community will be”, says Dr. Gupte. “The way it is now is just madness. Everyone seems to be taking shortcuts. We know that it is expensive to keep patients in a clinical setting over a single night much less 10 days, but it’s quite absurd to release them the same day they have the procedure. We have always believed it to be unsafe and now it has proven to be unsafe. The thing is, are Synergy Health Concepts and other clinics doing the Liberation Treatment going to be changing their aftercare methods even though they know it is unsafe to release a patient on the same day? The answer is no, even after Mrs. Clarke’s unfortunate and unnecessary death. Therefore, they are not focused on patient safety…it’s become about money only and lives are being put at risk as a result.”
Joanne Warkentin of Morden Manitoba, an MS patient who recently had both the liberation therapy and stem cell therapy at CCSVI Clinic agrees with Dr. Gupte. “Discharging patients on the same day as the procedure is ridiculous. I was in the hospital being monitored for 12 days before we flew back. People looking for a place to have the therapy must do their homework to find better options. We found CCSVI Clinic and there’s no place on earth that’s better to go for Liberation Therapy at the moment. I have given my complete medical file from CCSVI Clinic over to my Canadian physician for review.” For more information Log on to http://ccsviclinic.ca/?p=866 OR Call on Toll Free: 888-419-6855.
Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
December 16, 2011 11:42 AM | Posted by : | Reply
This is massive.
Here is something that helped me - Tolle's take on ego:
if your thought comes from a place of fear or negativity, then it is your ego. You are not your thought, you are your awarenessto thought.
For example, I saw a show based in Miami recently, and I thought "Why don't I live in Miami, this sucks!"
I followed and examined it to "I think I deserve to live in Miami"
and I was afraid I wasn't.
Hence it was fear and narcissism. Not me.
And I started thinking how I could change my actions in reality to get to Miami.
Score: 0 (2 votes cast)
March 26, 2012 7:38 AM | Posted by : | Reply
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Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
March 31, 2012 3:03 AM | Posted by : | Reply
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Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
March 31, 2012 3:18 AM | Posted by : | Reply
Its such a nice site, i am the regular visitor of this web. Its very informative site.
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 4, 2012 11:49 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Stem cells are “non-specialized” cells that have the potential to form into other types of specific cells, such as blood, muscles or nerves. They are unlike "differentiated" cells which have already become whatever organ or structure they are in the body. Stem cells are present throughout our body, but more abundant in a fetus.
Medical researchers and scientists believe that stem cell therapy will, in the near future, advance medicine dramatically and change the course of disease treatment. This is because stem cells have the ability to grow into any kind of cell and, if transplanted into the body, will relocate to the damaged tissue, replacing it. For example, neural cells in the spinal cord, brain, optic nerves, or other parts of the central nervous system that have been injured can be replaced by injected stem cells. Various stem cell therapies are already practiced, a popular one being bone marrow transplants that are used to treat leukemia. In theory and in fact, lifeless cells anywhere in the body, no matter what the cause of the disease or injury, can be replaced with vigorous new cells because of the remarkable plasticity of stem cells. Biomed companies predict that with all of the research activity in stem cell therapy currently being directed toward the technology, a wider range of disease types including cancer, diabetes, spinal cord injury, and even multiple sclerosis will be effectively treated in the future. Recently announced trials are now underway to study both safety and efficacy of autologous stem cell transplantation in MS patients because of promising early results from previous trials.
History
Research into stem cells grew out of the findings of two Canadian researchers, Dr’s James Till and Ernest McCulloch at the University of Toronto in 1961. They were the first to publish their experimental results into the existence of stem cells in a scientific journal. Till and McCulloch documented the way in which embryonic stem cells differentiate themselves to become mature cell tissue. Their discovery opened the door for others to develop the first medical use of stem cells in bone marrow transplantation for leukemia. Over the next 50 years their early work has led to our current state of medical practice where modern science believes that new treatments for chronic diseases including MS, diabetes, spinal cord injuries and many more disease conditions are just around the corner. For more information please visit http://www.neurosurgeonindia.org/
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 4, 2012 11:55 PM | Posted by : | Reply
Stem cells are “non-specialized” cells that have the potential to form into other types of specific cells, such as blood, muscles or nerves. They are unlike "differentiated" cells which have already become whatever organ or structure they are in the body. Stem cells are present throughout our body, but more abundant in a fetus.
Medical researchers and scientists believe that stem cell therapy will, in the near future, advance medicine dramatically and change the course of disease treatment. This is because stem cells have the ability to grow into any kind of cell and, if transplanted into the body, will relocate to the damaged tissue, replacing it. For example, neural cells in the spinal cord, brain, optic nerves, or other parts of the central nervous system that have been injured can be replaced by injected stem cells. Various stem cell therapies are already practiced, a popular one being bone marrow transplants that are used to treat leukemia. In theory and in fact, lifeless cells anywhere in the body, no matter what the cause of the disease or injury, can be replaced with vigorous new cells because of the remarkable plasticity of stem cells. Biomed companies predict that with all of the research activity in stem cell therapy currently being directed toward the technology, a wider range of disease types including cancer, diabetes, spinal cord injury, and even multiple sclerosis will be effectively treated in the future. Recently announced trials are now underway to study both safety and efficacy of autologous stem cell transplantation in MS patients because of promising early results from previous trials.
History
Research into stem cells grew out of the findings of two Canadian researchers, Dr’s James Till and Ernest McCulloch at the University of Toronto in 1961. They were the first to publish their experimental results into the existence of stem cells in a scientific journal. Till and McCulloch documented the way in which embryonic stem cells differentiate themselves to become mature cell tissue. Their discovery opened the door for others to develop the first medical use of stem cells in bone marrow transplantation for leukemia. Over the next 50 years their early work has led to our current state of medical practice where modern science believes that new treatments for chronic diseases including MS, diabetes, spinal cord injuries and many more disease conditions are just around the corner.
There are a number of sources of stem cells, namely, adult cells generally extracted from bone marrow, cord cells, extracted during pregnancy and cryogenically stored, and embryonic cells, extracted from an embryo before the cells start to differentiate. As to source and method of acquiring stem cells, harvesting autologous adult cells entails the least risk and controversy.
Autologous stem cells are obtained from the patient’s own body; and since they are the patient’s own, autologous cells are better than both cord and embryonic sources as they perfectly match the patient’s own DNA, meaning that they will never be rejected by the patient’s immune system. Autologous transplantation is now happening therapeutically at several major sites world-wide and more studies on both safety and efficacy are finally being announced. With so many unrealized expectations of stem cell therapy, results to date have been both significant and hopeful, if taking longer than anticipated.
What’s been the Holdup?
Up until recently, there have been intense ethical debates about stem cells and even the studies that researchers have been allowed to do. This is because research methodology was primarily concerned with embryonic stem cells, which until recently required an aborted fetus as a source of stem cells. The topic became very much a moral dilemma and research was held up for many years in the US and Canada while political debates turned into restrictive legislation. Other countries were not as inflexible and many important research studies have been taking place elsewhere. Thankfully embryonic stem cells no longer have to be used as much more advanced and preferred methods have superseded the older technologies. While the length of time that promising research has been on hold has led many to wonder if stem cell therapy will ever be a reality for many disease types, the disputes have led to a number of important improvements in the medical technology that in the end, have satisfied both sides of the ethical issue.
CCSVI Clinic
CCSVI Clinic has been on the leading edge of MS treatment for the past several years. We are the only group facilitating the treatment of MS patients requiring a 10-day patient aftercare protocol following neck venous angioplasty that includes daily ultrasonography and other significant therapeutic features for the period including follow-up surgeries if indicated. There is a strict safety protocol, the results of which are the subject of an approved IRB study. The goal is to derive best practice standards from the data. With the addition of ASC transplantation, our research group has now preparing application for member status in International Cellular Medicine Society (ICMS), the globally-active non-profit organization dedicated to the improvement of cell-based medical therapies through education of physicians and researchers, patient safety, and creating universal standards. For more information please visit http://www.neurosurgeonindia.org/
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 5, 2012 1:04 PM | Posted by : | Reply
This is nice. Really love to read that article. Thanks for this ..
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April 6, 2012 12:51 AM | Posted by : | Reply
A great explanation of the Abusive boyfriend:
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq50.html
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
April 13, 2012 1:29 PM | Posted by : | Reply
you give awful advice and your articles are so chauvinistic and counter productive. almost everything you right swings an unjustified hatred toward to all of mankind. shitty people is not a male or a female problem, it's a modern human problem. unfortunately, intelligent people get caught up in this shitty person epidemic and go to great lengths to behave exactly like an intelligent, mutant reincarnation of the problem that scarred them. people like you!
Score: 0 (2 votes cast)
April 13, 2012 1:30 PM | Posted by : | Reply
you give awful advice and your articles are so chauvinistic and counter productive. almost everything you write swings an unjustified hatred toward to all of mankind. shitty people is not a male or a female problem, it's a modern human problem. unfortunately, intelligent people get caught up in this shitty person epidemic and go to great lengths to behave exactly like an intelligent, mutant reincarnation of the problem that scarred them. people like you!
Score: 0 (2 votes cast)
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