March 12, 2012

Shame

img_3502_shame-2011-movie-review-beyond-the-trailer.jpg
abre los ojos

Shame is a movie that if you haven't seen by now, you won't, but for damn sure don't attempt to watch it on a flight to Chicago.  What you've probably heard is that it is a bleak but honest movie about sex addiction and maybe about incest, full of nudity and uncircumcised penis dangling deliciously between some toned Irish Catholic's legs as he urinates.  Sound like something you want to see?  Hold that thought.

How do you feel after three hours on the Pornotron?  You're able to focus on the math homework afterwards, ok, but at the very instant a blast of semen hits you in the neck your first thought is, "Jesus, I need to kill myself."

That thought-- that instant-- is what the sex addict feels all the time.  The question is not why does he feel that-- shame is what you're supposed to feel after anything that involves Craigslist.  The question is why it doesn't make him stop.

II.

If you want to understand a behavioral disorder, watch the behavior.

One common explanation sex addicts offer is that it is the novelty that they crave, and when enough people with pathology agree on something you can pretty much guarantee that that agreement is part of the pathology, i.e. an unconscious defense.  Sorry artists, broken people aren't given greater insight as a consolation prize.  The novelty is in fact trivial: yes, different partners, but the same kinds of sex, with the same kinds of people, in the same places, in the same ways, bolstered by the same kinds of porn.   Repetition compulsion masquerading as novelty seeking.  "You don't understand," says the analogous alcoholic, "I'm always looking for new drinks."

The important point is that in sex addiction the addict is not satisfied by the sex he just had because he is self-consciously aware that something unidentified is missing, and that lack leaves the orgasmer with an abundance of disgust and shame.  Just went from being a made up disease to a typical Friday night.  Right ladies?

This is something the movie does depict very accurately: after Brandon has some sex, he then immediately has some other kind of sex.  This isn't an overactive sex drive, it is trying to get the sex right.   That's the dialectic.  After he has a quickie with a hottie, he goes home and masturbates.  He climaxed with her, he was done, but it didn't take.  It is easier to get it right with masturbation, not because the hand knows better than the vagina/mouth/butt/breast but because there are always micro-corrections to the fantasy happening in real time-- so the movie you're shooting in your head has a woman fellating a guy, but then she gives a certain look, and then you make her repeat a half-second of that scene using a different look, then you reverse time by two seconds and make her phone her husband; then that disappears and they're outside on the deck, and it's not her but another woman, now it's a whole other scenario with a different cast, and an instant later back to her again; and impossibly seeing the scene from all possible sides, distances, perspectives-- nudging it this way and that to suit that instant's arousal.  In effect, you are not watching a movie but improvising from a melody, or, in more psychoanalytic terms, playing with yourself.

III.

There's a possible incest subtext between Brandon and his sister Sissy.



fassbender and mulligan shame.jpgIf you can't see it, it's in the back: they're watching cartoons.

But if you are looking for a hard link between incest and his sex addiction you are wasting your time, there's no answer because it isn't the point of the movie.

Take the unexplained backstory as a placeholder: X happened to these characters in the past, and now they're here; where X= incest, child abuse, murder, cannibalism, school shooting, war... 

So the movie inadvertently makes an important point about your life: yes, that does sound  terrible, but now what?

IV.

I'm going to offer an interpretation.  It won't matter whether this interpretation is correct-- none of this actually happened, after all.  The point is to ask why no one else thought of this interpretation that, once you read it, will seem to you an obvious one.  Here we go.

The key to understanding Brandon's problem is not just to look at the sex he pursues, but also his attempt at having a normal relationship. That's behavior, too, right?

For the first half of the movie he's rubbing his penis against anything sufficiently (com)pliant, and then he's disgusted with his life and decides he needs to become a normal person.  This is your American Psycho/Matrix moment: he knows he's whacked, and he knows what normal looks like-- he can fake it-- but he can't feel it inside. What to do?  Patrick Bateman created an alternate universe and then gets confused which one is real-- he becomes psychotic.  Brandon tries to create a fake world where he acts like a normal person and substitute it for the real one where he is not:  This would be The Baudrillard Matrix.  This is why he walks around as one who is in a dream.


shame elevators.jpg
See that guy?  What he's looking at isn't an elevator door or a floor or a wall, he may as well be seeing cascading green characters.  Everything he sees is sex.  In the staggered brick pattern of the wall he sees a 69; the rounded elevator button reminds him of a clitoris; a footstep behind him is a woman sneaking out of her husband's bed.  These are instantaneous and millisecond association flashes that happen all the time.

So with that seeing of a world within a world, Brandon decides to try a normal relationship-- go on a date, connect, love.  Of course he runs the date like it's a movie scene, does things he assumes normal people do in normal relationships: he asks out a nice girl named Marianne, takes her out to a nice dinner, orders wine, talk about where she's from, etc.

However-- and this is of such importance that no one else has even dared to mention it-- the woman he chose to go on a date with is black.  From his job.



SHAME_date.jpgSlow down, multicultural lemmings, this isn't some dumb TV commercial with a blacks/asians/whites all inexplicably smiling about a shared taste in fast food.  This guy is a porn addict: all day, every day, constantly, he micro-scrutinizes every aspect of sexuality to find just the thing that will get him off, and he chose to find love with a black woman. 

"Well, she seemed nice, so he asked her out."   So run it the other way: Brandon picks up one night stands in bars, ok, but it's not Mos Eisley, those are nice bars, which means the women he meets there are probably nice, ordinary people.  People he could fall in love with if he chose to.  So Brandon could have attempted a relationship with the hot blonde he picked up in Act I that he instead used for a quickie-- that was a decision he made.

shame blonde bar.jpg

Right?   She looks nice enough.  The law does not require <<hot blondes>> to only be used as sex objects, in most states you are still permitted to love them into their old age.  And she was already attracted to him and he to her-- 80% of the way there.  So?

Nope, he chose a black woman from Brooklyn.  Don't you want to know why?  Was this someone he's had his eye on for a while?  Someone whose personality he knows fits with his?  Shared values, common goals, etc, etc?  Again, no, he knew nothing about her.  He does a cold approach in the break room.

What's interesting for our culture is that in all the discussion about this film and the nuances of sex addiction, no film critic has wondered about the significance of Marianne's race, maybe because they think its normal and probably because they don't want to be thought of as someone who notices race.

So while everyone pats themselves on the back for their non-judgmental acceptance of the nature of Brandon's addiction-- "it's not immorality, it's a disease"-- they overlook what might be of pivotal significance.  "You're a racist!" protests the horrifically bad therapist you should throw your shoe at.  "There's nothing wrong with interracial dating!"   I happen to agree, but how do you know Brandon does?  Why don't you put down your Mont Blanc and yellow legal pad and ask him?

What drives Brandon is his sexual addiction. So why would we assume Matrix Brandon's pursuit of a girlfriend comes from a different power source than his pursuit of other women?  Everything he sees is porn: what is the pornographic significance of black women to white men?  Did he pick her because he's MORE sexually attracted to black women, or because he was NOT attracted to black women?  Because he thought they were "better" than white chicks?  Or because he considered them inferior?

Without understanding that-- without understanding what he sees as a "normal" relationship-- without believing that there is critical information in everything other than his sex addiction--  you inevitably make the wrong interpretation about his sex addiction.  For example, the date is awkward but she still goes home with him-- and, surprise, he's impotent.  Here's where you're supposed to think, "oh, sex addicts have difficulty with intimacy."  WRONG. Maybe he didn't try intimacy and fail. Maybe he did everything he could, upfront, to sabotage his chance for a real relationship.  He chose her because he "knew" it would fail, and when it wasn't failing he hit the failsafe: impotence.

I don't mean interracial relationships fail in general, I mean that there is a good chance this character would have diminished expectations for the relationship he was attempting relative to other women, which is why he attempted it.   Just to be sure, he tells her on the first date he doesn't think there's a point to marriage.  Glad we got that out of the way, gives a gal a sense of possibilities.   That's him trying to be normal?  No.  That's him trying to fail.

Of course this is a movie and of course Brandon didn't pick her, the director picked her.  But if you follow this interpretation, then it may be that he picks women he won't get along with to reinforce his belief that he isn't normal-- so that he can just throw himself into his sex addiction.  He doesn't want to change.

If this is true, it brings us to a very important conclusion: he was using her.   No, he wasn't going to use her for sex, but he wasn't going to really love her either.  He was using her for his identity.  Read this again and understand: when he uses the whores and the quickies to get off he feels SHAME, but when he uses a very nice girl with a legitimate interest in him for his pathetic charade at normality, he feels NOTHING for her.   "We're not bad people," his sister Sissy says to him at one point, "we just come from a bad place."  God would disagree, but fortunately for you he is dead.


V.

I certainly don't begrudge anyone looking to lay some pipe or a woman looking for a pipelayer, but again, I am neither a film critic nor a therapist, I do not assume normality for you, I let you decide that for yourself.  I may secretly believe that harlots and gays go to H-E-double toothpicks, but I do not think harlots and gays can't be happy until then.

However, if you tell me you are unhappy, if you tell me you are all mixed up about the life you are leading, then expect a critique of the life you are leading, not just the pathology you are projecting it all onto.  "I'm a sex addict!" says the guy who can't get it up with black chicks.    You picked your life.  You may not think you picked it, you may think you were forced into it and inescapably tied to it, but I saw Badlands and I know that every moment is a choice, right up to and including blowing your brains out. So not sleeping with that hill giant is a choice you chose not to make.  Saying, "I had no choice," is itself a choice.  Your choices may be stupid, but they're still choices.   And as all choices in life are ultimately binary, you really have no one else to blame for them but yourself.  Flipping a coin should win you happiness 50% of the time.  If you're running less than that.................. consider getting a coin.  Unless you're one of those double-bind mofos, then the key advice here is to Costanza the situation and do the opposite of every natural impulse you have.  NB: same goes for stock trading. 

I get that sex addiction looks like fun taken to excess, but a real addict doesn't think any of it is fun, he thinks it's all terrible. So that's where we start: why are you doing terrible things?

"I can't help it, sex is an innate evolutionary drive that I just have set to turbo!"  Funny, that.  The popular lie nowadays is evolutionary biology, so that a pursuit of beauty is somehow hard wired, evolutionary, but curiously no one can explain why it's hard wired towards 36-24-32 and not the 36-37-38  lassies in the Yoruba tribe.  (They like it from behind.)  Oh, maybe natural selection is rendering American white humans more sexually perfect, a process accelerated by their below replacement level fertility.  Or maybe not.  Beauty is a social construction.  I'm all in, but it is a construction nevertheless.  The reason I think women are hot today is that they are today, not that they are hot.  I watch pornos from the seventies and I think to myself, "well, it would be better than bestiality, I guess."   Everyone from the cast of Shampoo to the special guest stars on The Love Boat make me want to be a promisekeeper, meanwhile Wilt Chamberlain had sex with 10000 of these gorgons.  Get it?  It's a calendar problem, not an aesthetics problem.  So when you say you're addicted to "sex" or porn, you're actually addicted to the work product of a Madison Avenue brainstorm run by guys whose names are initials. "Quick, call J.T., the rubes'll eat this up!"  Still feel ashamed?  Yeah, you should.  I do.



VI.

The problem with sex addiction, unlike the other addictions, it is always framed as harm to you.  No one uses the actual consequences as a reason to stop.  Be careful: yes, you get to feel "shame", but the real problem with sex addiction isn't that it destroys your life but that it destroys everyone else's life.  No wife has ever questioned her self-worth, let alone killed herself, because she found a vodka bottle in the back of a toilet.   Try and "admit you have a problem"-- this problem-- to your daughter, and see how fast she gets a neck tattoo.  And the risk of sex addiction isn't that you contract a disease, the risk is that you spread the disease.  How can you stand there and pretend that any of your hundreds of partners are more likely to be infected than you?

Brandon is toxic death, he just cleans up well.  Hookers have the savvy to resist him-- after sex, he asks a pro, "can I get you anything?  A drink?" and she just smirks and dismisses him.  But what defense does Marianne have?  Imagine he married Marianne: why did he do this?  He wants a normal life with a wife, super, but he's not willing to give up his reckless sexual pursuits.  Is that fair?  The analogy to Patrick Bateman is worse than you think: Bateman only imagined he was killing people.  Brandon simply doesn't care if he's killing anyone. 

The incomprehensible thing about Brandon's pathology is that there doesn't need to be anything wrong with him for him to be addicted. He might have a history of childhood abuse, of course, but he may just as well have not. 

Brandon has a very specific problem, and it is not sex: freedom. 

In order to get sexual satisfaction from anything, that thing has to be unattainable, or at the very least it must come with rules.  You can get release and pleasure from the attainable, but not satisfaction.  There has to be a limit, a line, which defines a transgression which then allows you to bump up against it-- and be satisfied.  In America, almost anything you can imagine is sexually permitted even as limits to "appropriate sexuality" are everywhere.  The awareness of the ubiquity of Photoshop on models serves this same frustrating purpose: this super hot woman that I take for granted that I get to see almost naked for no good reason isn't actually her-- the real her is hidden beneath Photoshop. She is still a mystery.  So the Photoshop enhancement only temporarily heightens the sexual interest-- which is why it is paired with products to buy now;  the real satisfaction has to be attained elsewhere-- the Photoshopped model triggers a desire to look for satisfaction elsewhere-- e.g. the products, alternatively other women, porn, etc.  Similarly, while porn actresses are hotter than ever, three hours in all you want is amateurs.  Nasty.

Brandon knows he can get any kind of sex any time he wants, so it always fails.  Not sometimes.  Always.  Watch the movie.  But he keeps trying, in the same ways, over and over.   He also tries to simulate the perfect sexual experience, copy what looks like works. He walks by a couple having sex in a hotel window, so he then rents a room in that same hotel and has sex with a prostitute in the window in the exact same manner.  Does it take?  Of course not-- it was too easy.  When you sign a contract with narcissism there's a clause you should pay attention to: if it's easy, it doesn't count. 

If you are a product of your behavior, start wearing a watch again to discover who you actually are.  If the sex addict gets a watch, hell, gets a calendar, what he will discover is that he has practiced no other skill more diligently than pursuing empty sex that he knows is unsatisfying to him.  That's what he's spent the most time on, that's what he knows how to do the best. Better than driving, better than speaking, better than Xbox-- he has that mindset down to a reflex.  So why would you expect he'd use any other technique for any other life problems that come up?  If all you are is an expert hammerer, everything gets hammered.

The solution to your problem-- and of course only 0.3% of you are true sex addicts, so I am now talking to those who feel a little ashamed at how much porn they use or about the ringwraiths they've bedded-- is not to refrain-- you can't resist your desires forever. You must practice a new skill, you must become the kind of person who wouldn't turn to porn when they are: lonely; horny; boredy.  If you practice a new skill enough times, it will become second first nature, and you will be a different person. Please note that it is that last part, not the giving up of porn, that makes the change difficult.  Giving up porn is easy squeezy.  Becoming the kind of person who doesn't need to use porn on Thursdays at 11:30p because that's when you have a few hours free is hard.

I'm supposed to say porn is bad for you and you shouldn't start, but too late.  And masturbating without porn is probably good practice for your brain, which is odd to say but in today's world anything that requires more than 15 minutes of focused concentration is technically Olympic training.

But the practical thing people do wrong with porn is put it in the Matrix: pretend to themselves it's bad, pretend it's not something they do, yet spend tons of time on it.  So it drags on for hours.  Accept it and lock it down to a specific length of time.  You won't feel nearly as ashamed.

Wait, were we talking about Brandon not wanting intimacy?

VII.

There is a single remarkable insight in Shame, unfortunately buried in the midst of all the penis and vagina.  The movie is called Shame, but there is a crucial instance of guilt: when his sister attempts suicide.  (She survives.)

For a man who didn't notice he was dating a black woman, he is remarkably attentive in other ways; he walks onto a subway platform where police have blocked off a scene and magically  he knows his sister has slit her wrists back in his apartment.

How did he know?  Because he feels guilty, and guilt is omniscient.  You know it's guilt because no one else would blame him for what she did, and yet he knows with total certainty that it was his fault, even though it wasn't.  Yet he knows it was.

What he is actually feeling guilty about isn't that he wasn't there for his sister-- that's too easy to get out of-- but that his commitment to his own life made him not be there for his sister.  Anyone who has ever lost someone to suicide knows this feeling, and everyone else does not.  The guilt, re-framed relentlessly, over the rest of your life: if I hadn't been so into my work; if I hadn't been so wrapped up in tennis; if I hadn't been cheating on my wife; if I hadn't been so religious; if I hadn't watched TV every night and instead devoted that time to him; if I X, if I hadn't Y.

The truth is there is no real answer there, because when you hit the bottom of that devotional cycle you wind back up the other way: maybe if I had given him more space, if I had given him more time alone, if I hadn't forced him to spend so much time with the family, if I had worked longer hours to teach him that life is work, or X... 

The only thing I've ever found that works, in the absence of a God who can forgive you, is to understand your guilt as not coming from the failing but generated by you as self-punishment, so that you can go on with the rest of your life.  Have you suffered enough today?  Then go have a Reuben, they're tasty. You've earned it. 

The guilt always stays with you.  Always.  It never goes away. Never.  I'm of course not saying you deserve it, but I know it is your inevitable tormentor.  So either you reach some kind of stalemate with it or it beats you down.  That stalemate is sublimation.

In Brandon's case it is that guilt which motivates him to try and change his life, so when he sees the married woman from Act I again on the subway he doesn't get up to flirt with her.  He lets her go, he has decided to be the kind of person who sublimates his sex drive to devote more attention to his whacky sister,.  To being a better person. 

That's one interpretation, anyway, but I am telling you now, it is the only one that will save you.

---


http://twitter.com/thelastpsych












Comments

I thought about masturbatin... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 7:07 PM | Posted by ChappedHandsStan: | Reply

I thought about masturbating about 14 times while reading this article.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 57 (77 votes cast)
I'm having a hard time foll... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 7:47 PM | Posted by Starbucks: | Reply

I'm having a hard time following this diagnosis/interpretation. So there's nothing wrong with him other than being a self centered bad person who inevitably will give his wife STD's and convince his daughter to be a stripper with neck tattoos.

Its impossible for him to be a sex addict because he's not part of the .03%. And his solution is to learn to live with guilt/shame/narcissism...?

TLP is like inception for narcissism. We read your posts about how everything is rooted to it, only to find that you're in fact creating a world view where everything twists to fit your frame.

I'm wondering, aside from vilifying narcissists, do you actually attempt to do anything positive for them? Seems like your one trick is to categorize them through leaps of cognitive connections (she's black, he can't get it up... so NARCISSISM L0L!) then abruptly abandon your actors as if they were no longer of use.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 5 (117 votes cast)
Once again, I've been helpe... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 7:57 PM | Posted, in reply to Starbucks's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

Once again, I've been helped and challenged by your writing. Many thanks to you.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 15 (35 votes cast)
Helped by Last, not Starbuc... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 7:58 PM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

Helped by Last, not Starbucks....

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 7 (25 votes cast)
The question of right sexua... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 8:42 PM | Posted by David Carreon: | Reply

The question of right sexuality in a post-God era is very interesting to me. How can we say "No" with the only moral absolute being "so long as it doesn't hurt anyone"? Classifying hypersexuality as an unsatisfying addiction with all the 'shame' and collateral damage that comes with it is a compelling approach.

Your call to "Becoming the kind of person who doesn't need to use porn..." is spot on.

@Starbucks "everything twists to fit your frame"
It's called "having a worldview." It's actually pretty cool; you should try it out. It's like living in The Matrix when you're Neo. Unless you like living in a kaleidoscope of whirling colors, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 9 (39 votes cast)
I find this very difficult ... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 8:51 PM | Posted by Marco Costa: | Reply

I find this very difficult to masturbate to

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 49 (67 votes cast)
Re: evolution lie. <p... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 9:05 PM | Posted by Aaron: | Reply

Re: evolution lie.

Blind men demonstrate the same waist-hip ratio preference as regular men: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/magazine/18fob-Bergner-t.html?_r=1

And my Yoruba friend has repeatedly voiced his preference for Somali and Ethiopian women and claims this is normal for west Africans like himself. (For those who aren't aware: east Africans are less robust in both facial features and body type.)

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 11 (37 votes cast)
i know you guys didn't like... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 10:40 PM | Posted, in reply to ChappedHandsStan's comment, by podrik: | Reply

i know you guys didn't like starbucks criticizing your angry old crank but he has pretty salient point.

everyone has a worldview but a thoughtful person has the balls to examine their own biases and prejudices in an attempt to reach actual truth, instead of twisting reality to make fodder for bitter ranting on the internet.

i also love last's writing. i also disagree with him on a lot of stuff. it helps me construct the identity of a well rounded, mindful individual. what do i know, though. i'm a narcissist.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 21 (43 votes cast)
how does one go about subli... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 10:44 PM | Posted by aliz: | Reply

how does one go about sublimating their drives anyway?
does it really work?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (8 votes cast)
This post is brilliant... (Below threshold)

March 12, 2012 11:20 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

This post is brilliant

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (18 votes cast)
"what do i know, though. i'... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 12:15 AM | Posted, in reply to podrik's comment, by Z. Constantine: | Reply

"what do i know, though. i'm a narcissist."

Funny you should mention that!

Here's a game for those who suspect they may have a narcissistic bent: see how often your comments require a reflexive invocation of your chosen "I"-dentity, then gauge what that comment would mean to anyone else if you found a way to make it about something other than yourself.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 12 (20 votes cast)
Jesus LP, you get better wi... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 12:35 AM | Posted by rocketfingers: | Reply

Jesus LP, you get better with every article. I'm going to be thinking about this one for a while. The parallels are endless.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 4 (16 votes cast)
Ask any recovered drug addi... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 1:02 AM | Posted, in reply to aliz's comment, by ChappedHandsStan: | Reply

Ask any recovered drug addict.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (8 votes cast)
"The solution to your probl... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 1:50 AM | Posted by porn: | Reply

"The solution to your problem-- and of course only 0.3% of you are true sex addicts, so I am now talking to those who feel a little ashamed at how much porn they use or about the ringwraiths they've bedded-- is not to refrain-- you can't resist your desires forever. You must practice a new skill, you must become the kind of person who wouldn't turn to porn when they are: lonely; horny; boredy. If you practice a new skill enough times, it will become second first nature, and you will be a different person. Please note that it is that last part, not the giving up of porn, that makes the change difficult. Giving up porn is easy squeezy. Becoming the kind of person who doesn't need to use porn on Thursdays at 11:30p because that's when you have a few hours free is hard."

Terrible advice with kernels of wisdom.

I don't feel ashamed when I use porn. I don't feel shame over prostitutes anymore, that took a really long time to get over (I didn't use them because it felt shameful, but once I got over that I could).

Here's the stone cold facts. I can't get sex sometimes. Often even. I'm ugly. I was born ugly. Not ugly because I'm fat (I'm not) or ugly because I don't go to the gym (I train 5-7 days a week). I was simply born scrawny, sickly, deformed, and with health ailments. It's not a status thing either, I may not be rolling in benjamins but I've got a solid career, a high income, accomplishments, and hobbies. I know lots of people in similar situations so I don't think this is just unique to me.

People talk about how sex is easy to get, but what they really mean is sex is reasonably easy to get for dudes that are muscular, or tall, or rich, or have some really popular special talent. Nobody talks about the betas. They are invisible. Its just sort of assumed one can get sexual release if they want to.

But that isn't the case. I wasted a lot of time, did a lot of things I probably wouldn't have done otherwise, just trying to get even a meager supply of sex. Just enough to get a release from the constant want. Porn and prostitutes would have helped a lot. But no, because people like you need to shame people. People like you assume that anyone can get sex if they really want to, it they just put the effort into XYZ whether money, status, looks, game, whatever. But that isn't the case. That isn't the cold hard genetic reality and large swaths of the population have inferior worthless genes that women will not accept in most cases.

I had to slog through a lot to accumulate a few sexual partners and get the experiences I needed to get over my shame. Now, when I'm not sexually active with a partner, I can use porn and prostitutes as needed to keep myself from going insane. And its worked. Its worked so well. I can't believe I could have had this release the entire time.

I've done a lot with my life. I was gifted with a great intellect. But I could have done so much more if sex wasn't in the way. And sex wouldn't have been in the way if you prudes wouldn't shame men who can't be Casanovas.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 9 (103 votes cast)
Wait... Bateman was only im... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 1:52 AM | Posted by JohnJ: | Reply

Wait... Bateman was only imagining killing people in American Psycho? Man, I totally misunderstood that movie.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 36 (44 votes cast)
Gilles Deleuze wrote a litt... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 2:09 AM | Posted by EH: | Reply

Gilles Deleuze wrote a little about guilt in "Essays: Critical and Clinical," a chapter entitled, "To Have Done With Judgement."

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
porn: Nothing about this e... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 2:52 AM | Posted, in reply to porn's comment, by DensityDuck: | Reply

porn: Nothing about this essay states or implies that choosing to pay for sex makes you a failure. What makes Brandon a failure is his insistence that nothing he does is a choice, that his existence is his addiction and he's locked into this death spiral of cunt. The point of this essay is that your choices might all suck but they are choices, even the ones that don't actually look like choices.

Well, that's the overarching point. The more specific point is that this particular addiction is a problem because it is an addiction, and just like any other addiction it's radioactive; it won't just kill the addict, it'll wipe out anyone standing in a one-family radius. The difference is that other addictions are recognized as something we shouldn't want. Someone says "I'm an alcoholic" and we're alternately sorry and disgusted, sometimes (usually) both, and we might not want to deal with the issue ourselves but we understand that there's an issue and it needs to be dealt with. Someone says they're a sex addict and we're all "no shit son, so's errybody else".

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 46 (48 votes cast)
I don't wholly agree with t... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 3:29 AM | Posted by Amonyous: | Reply

I don't wholly agree with the writers point of beauty. It is a social construct, but what I consider beautiful isn't always same as what I want to have sex with. I want to fuck mildly fat chicks with big round asses so bad, it hurts. Pale skin and red hair makes me go insane. And I have no idea why.

Instead I'm married to a skinny brunette.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -4 (42 votes cast)
Oh, porn. You described eve... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 4:16 AM | Posted, in reply to porn's comment, by Guy Fox: | Reply

Oh, porn. You described every other person you mentioned as aspects of yourself, even though they were nondescript. Did you get a twinge between the ears when saying (repeatedly) that you use prostitutes? They're people, right? Those bipedal things more attractive than you, but with moms, siblings, dashed hopes, and unfulfilled dreams - remember them? And those Adonisses you despise? Well, you know how rich people always describe themselves as (upper) middle class, even after gold plating the yacht? What makes you think these super attractive studs don't feel totally insecure most of the day? You think they don't want to gouge their own eyes out after berating the cute cashier for counting out the wrong change after a hard day? But they don't have any existence beyond the eyes, do they, because they're just alphas - the necessary foil to the undervalued betas, of which you are a sterling exemplar.

Do you think you'd be more successful, or maybe just feel better, if you connected with women on such a level that your congenital dandruff and recurrent styes were just afterthoughts to them? Like, oh yeah, I guess he does have a third shoulder blade, now that you mention it, but I never think about that when we're together! How will you ever get to that as long as you're 'accumulating sexual partners'? I don't understand much about women myself, but whenever I tell them I'm accumulating them, I get slapped for some damn reason.

You describe your genes as worthless. Do the genes know that, or is it you constantly telling them that? You think that other scrawny, sickly little betas like Michael J. Fox, Richard Pryor or Haile Gebrselassie have/had the same lady troubles as you? If not, what might be different?

And there are plenty of people who choose celibacy as a path to achieve fulfillment, and some of them even succeed, or so I'm told. So use your great intellect. Doesn't that kind of make you question the importance that you ascribe to sex? Why have you chosen a field of activity to determine your worth where you seem to be failing so miserably? Why are you miserable because your sex life sucks instead of being more content because you are competitive and genuinely good at Sudoku/particle physics/poetry/crazy eights? If your first thought when interacting with women is "I suck", why should they think otherwise?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 69 (93 votes cast)
Excellent work product per ... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 5:37 AM | Posted by Judge Wilhelm: | Reply

Excellent work product per usual, TLP.

All the boundary talk is spot on. As Luis Bunuel said, "Sex without sin is like eggs without salt," or something like that. Since God is dead, and everything has been permissible for quite some time, it makes sense that porn gets raunchier with each passing year.

Having said that, I think you're pushing the Marianne analysis a bit far. It certainly fits as a possibility. But couldn't it just as well be something trivial like Steve McQueen is a gay black dude director named Steve McQueen (for fuck's sake) who does unconventional movies (Hunger) and just happened to put in Marianne as nothing more than a symbolic sharp contrast? Who's to say that she serves any bigger role than the Red Dress in Schindler's List? That is, in the banality and ubiquity of sexy white people, her black skin is the Red Dress.

What I'm saying is that Brandon might not have been purposely setting himself up to fail. Now, your theory makes perfect sense, too, and I think it's good (I know you don't need my approval; fuck off). I'm just not convinced that it's the only way to interpret it, though I think you gave that caveat early on. I mean he's a sex addict; he knows he's a sex addict; he knows that he has a problem. Alcoholics and drug addicts make attempts to quit that shit every once in a while, too. Why shouldn't Brandon?

What you see as self-sabotage, I interpret as just being shitty at relationships because he's a sex addict -- which explains his awkward behavior at the restaurant. A drunk would act like a drunk while going on a real date. A crackhead, a crackhead. And voila! Brandon acts like himself because he doesn't know how to be anyone else. It's possible that he was genuinely trying with Marianne is what I'm saying.

Now, with regard to your overall theme of identifying the problem and correcting oneself, I think you give some great advice. However, you seem to assume an existentialist sense of responsibility, i.e., man has free will and we choose our destinies. And I suppose if society is to function properly, people need to feel that they have control over their own lives. However, in recent years, I've come to believe that free will is an illusion, albeit, a necessary one.


Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 19 (31 votes cast)
Brandon is staring at Maria... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 7:37 AM | Posted by jack: | Reply

Brandon is staring at Marianne in a scene early on. He drops by for coffee outside her office a couple times. Way before he decides to clean up and try a relationship (or give himself permission to fail, and thus return to "addiction"). I don't think your theory fits. But it's a good theory, nonetheless.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (14 votes cast)
Your writing hits the nail ... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 9:31 AM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

Your writing hits the nail on the head. Men today are hampered by sex addiction. They waste their lives on unattainable fantasy worlds, while the rest of us miss out on fathers, brothers, husbands, friends, etc. This world is in need of MEN to solve its problems. The crop of men for the last 40 years have largely been perpetual teenagers.

The worst possible thing society does is to encourage and excuse sexual misconduct and emotional immaturity. At least guilt or shame can be point of departure from immorality. Yet, the consistent trend is to promote sex, without boundaries, simply to take advantage of the animal brain to hock someone's wares. The net consequence of using sex to sell is utter collapse of the individual, familial, and societal morality. All naturally work as natural checks on sex. Advertising sex removes the societal check, hence broken families and sex addicts. I'm not advocating for a puritan society, but the pendulum has swung so far the other way, that men live one google search away from videos that depict ANY particular depravity. The depravity is collective, thus, exponentially worse.

Virtually every other ad encourages us to take that road. Thank God that there is still a lingering sense of shame and guilt. Not that we might wallow in it, but that we are alerted by it, so that we can take another road before its too late. Shame can tell us to stop wasting our lives.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (50 votes cast)
I think the difference betw... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 9:37 AM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

I think the difference between consuming porn and hiring a prostitute are insignificant. Both exploit. Both degrade. Both misuse sex. Both neglect families. Both leave all parties emotionally scarred.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -25 (49 votes cast)
Hey, porn. Your comment se... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 9:47 AM | Posted, in reply to porn's comment, by Phil A: | Reply

Hey, porn. Your comment seemed kind of peculiar to me. Maybe the internet is making me too cynical, but I can't help but feel that your post is disingenuous. No offense if it isn't, but it feels like it was written by a so-called "alpha" to justify the alpha worldview. You write the way self-described "alphas" do, just in negation, like in a sort of self-deprecating, counterexample to their philosophy. You know, like an alpha who wants to justify their worldview using a more sympathetic front, because alphas aren't sympathetic at all.

I can't prove this, I just suspect it, but since you're referring to a sort of philosophy, and I enjoy philosophy, I want to look at what you're saying.

"Here's the stone cold facts. I can't get sex sometimes. Often even. I'm ugly. I was born ugly. Not ugly because I'm fat (I'm not) or ugly because I don't go to the gym (I train 5-7 days a week). I was simply born scrawny, sickly, deformed, and with health ailments. It's not a status thing either, I may not be rolling in benjamins but I've got a solid career, a high income, accomplishments, and hobbies. I know lots of people in similar situations so I don't think this is just unique to me."

I've seen all combinations of men, some with a good build, not much money, and uglier than sin, who would leave with a woman every time they went to a bar. Now, perhaps you really are super ugly, but it makes me wonder how high your standards are. You do know that there are ugly women out there? I only ask because even if you have to "settle" for an ugly woman, as long as you make a real connection with her then what you're doing is infinitely more "good" than what a good looking "alpha" does when he uses a woman for her body.

Frankly, it would also be better than what you're doing when you use a prostitute for her body (porn not withstanding, because porn can be all right if not misused).

I don't know why you pass over ugly chicks when they're available (I promise that in a country of 300 million they are, unless you live way out in the sticks, or perhaps especially then), but it seems that you MAY (emphasis intended) be undervaluing the goodness of connection with another person for its own sake.

But I suspect you don't want that. Your comment is all "sex....sex....sex....sex..." Whether or not you realize it, that's a very selfish, solipsistic outlook on relationships. Exactly the way an alpha would think.

"People talk about how sex is easy to get, but what they really mean is sex is reasonably easy to get for dudes that are muscular, or tall, or rich, or have some really popular special talent."

You may not realize it, but what you're essentially saying is that your problems are everyone else's fault. You could reword this as, "Women only want tall, rich, muscular, superstar douchebags." There's so many things wrong with this statement that I barely know where to begin. But I can tell you where it ends: frustration and possibly violence.

If the whole "Alpha" and "Beta" philosophy is true, which it isn't, but if it is, then you're doing exactly what the alphas do. When they bed a woman using "game" they're just masturbating with someone else's body, and they have a hard time with relationships because in order to be that kind of person you have to lack the ability to create a connection with anyone else. So....how is that different than how you described yourself? You already masturbate to porn, so what does it matter if you use another person's body? You're already, presumably, not connecting to women in a real, meaningful relationship....So, you pretty much are doing exactly what the so-called alphas do. You're looking for a solution that will cause the same problems you're complaining about.

"But that isn't the case. I wasted a lot of time, did a lot of things I probably wouldn't have done otherwise, just trying to get even a meager supply of sex."

That's the problem. You put a lot of time and effort into things that would have brought you full circle back to the problem you wanted to solve in the first place.

The problem is, you don't sound like as much of a beta as you say you are. Most people I know who would qualify as a beta complain about guys who are muscular and then never go to the gym. You also got into a successful career in a crappy economy, and all of that other positive stuff you said about yourself and so on. Obviously your alpha/beta dichotomy doesn't quite pan out.

"That isn't the cold hard genetic reality and large swaths of the population have inferior worthless genes that women will not accept in most cases."

This is fallacious. You're assuming that the female gene pool is perfectly immaculate. Hence you come to the false conclusion that your genes, being imperfect, can't match up to any women whatsoever. But the fact is, some women also have "imperfect" genes as well, so your conclusion doesn't logically follow. In addition to this, you also say that your genes will not be accepted by women in "most cases" which is another way of saying it will be accepted in "some cases". So given these two facts, you don't have a problem unless you're imposing one on yourself.

"I had to slog through a lot to accumulate a few sexual partners and get the experiences I needed to get over my shame. Now, when I'm not sexually active with a partner, I can use porn and prostitutes as needed to keep myself from going insane. And its worked. Its worked so well. I can't believe I could have had this release the entire time."

Here's where your whole narrative falls apart. Despite everything you've said, you admit you can get sexual partners, so what was the problem to begin with? On top of that, this is why I think your story isn't sincere. You imply, in this paragraph, that you just hit one woman, move on to the next, and in the meantime you use porn and prostitutes. So...you're doing exactly what alphas do: use women for their bodies and then move on. So what were you complaining about again? You don't get it as often as you want? It's hard work and hard work sucks? Oh...well all of that sympathy you built up in the first few paragraphs just evaporated.

Where's the issue? Besides that you use women for their bodies after possibly contracting a disease from a prostitute which is incredibly selfish? Oh, you use a condom? Too bad, HPV can spread even if you wear a condom, and it can cause cancer in men and women which can potentially be deadly. Sympathy further evaporating.

"I've done a lot with my life. I was gifted with a great intellect."

Words are cheap. You've put a lot of effort into apparently using women for their body, not caring to establish any actual connections with them. How is that doing a lot with your life? I'm not judging you morally, but the point stands that that isn't "doing a lot".

You were gifted with a great intellect? Great, but it's intellect without insight. Intellect lacks significance if it isn't properly applied.

"But I could have done so much more if sex wasn't in the way. And sex wouldn't have been in the way if you prudes wouldn't shame men who can't be Casanovas."

Again, you're tipping off my "wanna-be alpha-o-meter". Can't prove it, but I don't think you're being sincere.

Also, again you're blaming sex, or TLP and us prudes, for your problems. You still haven't considered the possibility that the problem is you.

If sex wasn't in the way? What does that even mean? How can sex ever possibly be in the way? You need to consider the possibility that it's not sex that's in the way, but you.

You can say that you're smart, but you're not smart unless you say or do smart things.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 71 (97 votes cast)
Bravo! I agree!... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 10:51 AM | Posted, in reply to Phil A's comment, by Deborah: | Reply

Bravo! I agree!

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (13 votes cast)
Another reason his narrativ... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 10:53 AM | Posted, in reply to Phil A's comment, by Hugh: | Reply

Another reason his narrative fails is that the whole alpha/beta philosophy rests upon the idea that men can be ugly as sin and still succeed with women. In that worldview, failing with women is a sign of a sub par personality, because for males a true alpha personality can overcome any physical flaw. So he's blaming his beta-ness on his physical features, when his real problem is a lackluster personality. This is *the* classic beta tactic. Or so the theory goes.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 9 (15 votes cast)
Nice way of putting it, @Da... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 1:01 PM | Posted, in reply to David Carreon's comment, by marcus: | Reply

Nice way of putting it, @David : "Unless you like living in a kaleidoscope of whirling colors, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (5 votes cast)
Men today are hampered b... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 1:15 PM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by butterflymcdoom: | Reply

Men today are hampered by sex addiction.

If anything, men are hampered by hypersexuality, which is not the same thing.

And last time I checked, men hadn't cornered the market on sex addition. Women are perfectly capable of it, too.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 4 (12 votes cast)
I'm a sex addict in recover... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 1:17 PM | Posted by Sex Addict: | Reply

I'm a sex addict in recovery, and while there are definitely some salient points, I don't know what to make of this post overall.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 3 (15 votes cast)
I've come to expect insight... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 1:26 PM | Posted by Gabe Ruth: | Reply

I've come to expect insight from you, and this review does not disappoint. What amazes me, though, is that the material for the insight is all in the movie. I couldn't have seen it without you, but it's there all the same. Bashing the film industry is trendy, and all the critics make the same easy, comforting interpretation (pathology, and not a generational one!), but this guy made choices that you pick up on. Do you think it was an accident? The subconscious? Or is there hope for the world?

"The only thing I've ever found that works, in the absence of a God who can forgive you, is to understand your guilt as not coming from the failing but generated by you as self-punishment, so that you can go on with the rest of your life."

This is interesting. It seems to be an endorsement of narcissism for this specific case. A little hair of the dog that bit you. You are all there is, so you must be the source of your own guilt. How long will it work, though? There has only ever been one sin: the belief that oneself is the ultimate reality. You will not escape it thus.

And section 5 was excellent. I'm praying for you, guy. Keep the good stuff flowing for all us sinners.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 9 (15 votes cast)
People may not realize that... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 3:04 PM | Posted by Samson: | Reply

People may not realize that this probably is one of Alone's best.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 17 (25 votes cast)
I thought about the same th... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 4:08 PM | Posted, in reply to Gabe Ruth's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

I thought about the same thing, the title is even linked to TLPs Shame-over-guilt defintion of narcissism.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (4 votes cast)
Keep in mind this isn't jus... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 4:28 PM | Posted by Lee: | Reply

Keep in mind this isn't just a movie review, it is aimed specifically at you who are reading the article.

Well done.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (10 votes cast)
If anything, men a... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 7:16 PM | Posted, in reply to butterflymcdoom's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

If anything, men are hampered by hypersexuality, which is not the same thing.

In other words, the old feminist platitude that "women want sex just as much as men do" is a total load of bullshit?
We already knew that, but thanks for admitting it.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (30 votes cast)
Thanks for the lecture abou... (Below threshold)

March 13, 2012 11:32 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

Thanks for the lecture about looking about porn tucked neatly into a rambling free-association exercise.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -4 (10 votes cast)
<a href="http://thirdtierre... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 2:07 AM | Posted by Nando: | Reply

http://thirdtierreality.blogspot.com/

If one wants to make a movie about the law schools, they would need to use "Shameless" as title.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -22 (30 votes cast)
I found this particularly i... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 2:32 AM | Posted by BBWLOVER: | Reply

I found this particularly interesting because of my own fascination with pornos of the "larger" variety. By the explanations you gave of the "porno addict", I wouldn't say that I fall under the category that was described. I pretty much masturbate randomly, sometimes with the ubiquitous porn streaming site, other times at the use of my own imagination. I've found a more covert attraction to larger ladies (naturally large breasts, broad hips, derriere), and maybe it was based on actions that I repeated from earlier in my life. There was a time when I lived alone for a few years while attending graduate school. This solitude gave me the freedom to make choices without worrying about the consequences of how others would perceive me (e.g.: no immediate friends, classmates, relatives). So my fixation on the larger women continued later in my life, but more so on a secretive level. Maybe this porn selection is based on the remnants of my past time in graduate school. Either way, I appreciate your expertise and commentary.

You rock, DOC!

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (5 votes cast)
In other words, th... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 3:39 AM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by Typical feminist response: | Reply

In other words, the old feminist platitude that "women want sex just as much as men do" is a total load of bullshit

In other words, there are more desperate, creepy men than women.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 15 (19 votes cast)
Porn has lost it's appeal t... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 9:37 AM | Posted by paytoplay: | Reply

Porn has lost it's appeal to me, perhaps because it is now so readily available on the internet that the associated thrill of stealing a playboy from the quickie-mart or sneaking in to see my friend's dad's supposed hidden stash is missing. And that thrill was somehow part of the porn experience which now doesn't exist? Coupled with the fact that porn is legal... that somehow also limits the appeal.

Prostitution on the other hand is illegal and that may be why I enjoy it so much. I'm not a sex addict and don't have an overactive libido, but I do love the thrill of illegal sex. Maybe if they make porn illegal I'll start liking it again.

oh well, who knows?... but now that I'm horny, I think I'll go pay for a bj.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (22 votes cast)
Coupled with the fact th... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 9:42 AM | Posted, in reply to paytoplay's comment, by anan: | Reply

Coupled with the fact that porn is legal... that somehow also limits the appeal.

interesting, now I understand the expression, "this is so good, it should be illegal."

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (6 votes cast)
Very, very nice. Thank you,... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 12:32 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

Very, very nice. Thank you, Alone. So the difference between shame and guilt is that you are prompted to hide whichever caused the first, while you try to avoid what caused the second, I guess?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (6 votes cast)
Thank you for reminding me ... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 12:46 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

Thank you for reminding me why I don't watch fillums any more.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (12 votes cast)
I've been thinking about th... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 1:20 PM | Posted by Gabe Ruth: | Reply

I've been thinking about the guilt to shame conversion, or crowdsourcing the superego, as you've called it elsewhere. The second term is good but flippant sounding, but I think the first can obscure you what you mean (if I may presume to understand what you mean, which is not necessarily a good idea).

You touched on the confusion in the followup to your piece on the NYT divorce couple. When you say shame, you mean being subjected to public opprobrium due to the violation of social rules, whereas guilt means self-loathing due to violation of your own beliefs about proper conduct. This is fine, but people who believe that all morality is just social convention have no ability to really believe in guilt as you mean it. They believe the self-loathing is a product of false consciousness, designed by the Man or some such Marxist nonsense. It's just privately carried shame. And maybe they're right. But they are going to have difficulty wrapping their heads around your terminology.

Even if they are right, it is worth an effort to correct the misunderstanding because your point still stands. The self-loathing has real effect even if it is a psychological construct, and it has a beneficial purpose not only for society but for the individual as well. Individuals are governed more by passions than reason, and they do not govern with beneficence. This is not advocacy of noble lies, but a perception that a world full of liberated Supermen is a dystopian fantasy. By all means, strive for integrity, honesty, and realness with Nietzschean boldness, but do not think you can disregard the wisdom of your ancestors and do it in a vacuum and deliver a better world for anyone but yourself, and that in your own opinion.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 5 (17 votes cast)
A++++++ REPLY WOULD READ AG... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 4:15 PM | Posted, in reply to Guy Fox's comment, by OldeBayUser: | Reply

A++++++ REPLY WOULD READ AGAIN.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -9 (13 votes cast)
I had assumed he meant guil... (Below threshold)

March 14, 2012 10:23 PM | Posted, in reply to Gabe Ruth's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

I had assumed he meant guilt and shame in the conventional shrink-y way: shame is directed at yourself or your sense of self or who you are. Guilt is having accepted that you have done an incorrect thing or a wrong thing. Guilt is not about who you are; shame is.

Anyone-?

Also, I have to say, this was a very good piece and it showed some great humor.

I wish Alone would do a piece on cults.... or maybe on the Freemasons (and no, I'm not equating them with a cult). Or on Stockholm Syndrome...

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 9 (11 votes cast)
Last,When the comm... (Below threshold)

March 15, 2012 6:33 AM | Posted by Z: | Reply

Last,

When the commenters try to be you, it's a disaster.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 5 (15 votes cast)
Another one of these incred... (Below threshold)

March 15, 2012 2:15 PM | Posted by Whatever: | Reply

Another one of these incredible posts you can only "get" if you've actually been there.

Nobody else will...yet or ever.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (11 votes cast)
Very Funny<a href=... (Below threshold) i'm always a bit unsure abo... (Below threshold)

March 15, 2012 5:56 PM | Posted by puppylander: | Reply

i'm always a bit unsure about reading into the motivations/motives of a fictional character. (not that it can't be done--because that's the author-creator's intent in many fictional works.)

rather, my wariness comes from drawing broader conclusions about real humans by examining fictional humans. (maybe compare tlp's analysis here with his analysis of what people really do [in some of his other posts].) how to put it... dubious authenticity?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (10 votes cast)
From his JOB. He asked a wo... (Below threshold)

March 15, 2012 6:52 PM | Posted by Hot Sex: | Reply

From his JOB. He asked a woman out from his job. That is sabotaging behavior- I think. Not her skin color.
I agree with everything else. I see it all the time.
Trying to tell people who lack insight and need to identify as a victim -well after making better choices/abusive childhood/reaction formation has been covered-to make better choices- is like trying to talk to an unmedicated schizophrenic about their delusions not being real. Or that they are turning the grain of sand into a boulder the size of Texas.
People take insight when they are ready and people who get sober- do it when they are ready. Narcissism.
People who practice caring and take in caring are high bottoms. They do not like to hurt the people they love and who love them. First- they have a sense of responsibility. That is LOVE.
In all the psychobabble talk and diagnosis- people seem to forget you are your behaviors and you do not hurt others, even when they volunteer. If only……

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 7 (11 votes cast)
Interestingly, Michael Fass... (Below threshold)

March 15, 2012 7:51 PM | Posted by just a thought: | Reply

Interestingly, Michael Fassbender is dating this very black actress.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 10 (12 votes cast)
"So run it the other way: B... (Below threshold)

March 16, 2012 12:41 AM | Posted by someone: | Reply

"So run it the other way: Brandon picks up one night stands in bars, ok, but it's not Mos Eisley, those are nice bars, which means the women he meets there are probably nice, ordinary people."

Nice girls, by definition, don't go to bars to look for one night stands.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -3 (25 votes cast)
>TLPSo wait, does ... (Below threshold)

March 16, 2012 4:01 AM | Posted by Facebander: | Reply

>TLP

So wait, does all this mean that I'm NOT a terrible person for kind of liking this film?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (6 votes cast)
If you're somebody who feel... (Below threshold)

March 16, 2012 12:39 PM | Posted by Washington: | Reply

If you're somebody who feels nothing does simply "faking being the kind of person you want to be until it takes" actually work? I'm trying to picture it and all I'm seeing is some empty, grinning, Rick Santorum looking sociopath. If it doesn't work for politicians why would it work for anyone else?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (5 votes cast)
whoa, nice way to miss the ... (Below threshold)

March 16, 2012 2:05 PM | Posted, in reply to puppylander's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

whoa, nice way to miss the point there, champ! I don't think analyzing the psychology of the character is worth anything and that it was the goal of the writer, the point was using his actions and the movies to say something about normal people.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (4 votes cast)
i"s like trying to talk to ... (Below threshold)

March 16, 2012 8:04 PM | Posted, in reply to Hot Sex's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

i"s like trying to talk to an unmedicated schizophrenic about their delusions not being real."

false analogy. About one third stay the same, one-third get worse, and one third recover.... some of them even do better off their meds. No joke.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 3 (5 votes cast)
Romney's the empty, wafflin... (Below threshold)

March 16, 2012 8:13 PM | Posted, in reply to Washington's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

Romney's the empty, waffling guy. Santorum actually believes his shit. (Scary but true).
And yes---people can get some success by faking it----and also by not faking it once in a while, as well. Kind of depends what the problem is...I think faking it all the time is not good...that's no way to live.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
Great review of a great mov... (Below threshold)

March 16, 2012 8:56 PM | Posted by Marcus Gunn: | Reply

Great review of a great movie. I kinda agree with you that the racial angle was important, but I don't think the director was making that nuanced of a point. The presence of an interracial couple on screen can make the audience uneasy on some level. The director may have cast Marienne as a black woman just to challenge the audience - to get us to sit up and pay attention. Anyway, the graceful way in which she dealt with the racist waiter and her sexual rejection by Brandon made her a very likable and human character, which put Brandon's depravity into stark relief.

Off topic, but I am a recent convert to this blog and I have a question that you or perhaps your commentors may be able to answer.

I recently had a 3 month encounter with someone I think is a genuine sociopath. I'm not talking about your run of the mill self centered asshole or narcissist. What disturbed me the most about this person is that he seems to manipulate people not to gain something like money or sex, but just for the fun of it.

Does anyone know why people are like this? How could anyone gain satisfaction from being cruel and callous? Do these people realize they are different? Are these people truly crippled by a biological absence of empathy or remorse . . . or is it more of a deeply ingrained personality structure or coping mechanism?

I'm not sure why I am so curious as to what makes these people tick. It disturbs me on an existential level that there are people out there have no ability to feel remorse. With no conscience, you have no ability to choose between good and evil, which is the fundamental task of humanity that allows us to be "saved." (Recovering Catholic here). Even a very retarded person can choose to be good within the limitations of his intellect. A rapist or murderer who feels remorse can repent and rejoin the human race. But this is not possible for the sociopath. He is missing the fundamental component of the soul that allows us to be responsible for our actions. That's truly disturbing, if you ask me.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (10 votes cast)
Judging by how furiously my... (Below threshold)

March 17, 2012 12:21 AM | Posted by someone: | Reply

Judging by how furiously my comment is being downvoted, I must have ticked off some feminists. Naturally they can't actually articulate any sort of response, so they just vote down.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -13 (33 votes cast)
I'm really ignorant about s... (Below threshold)

March 17, 2012 10:50 AM | Posted, in reply to Marcus Gunn's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

I'm really ignorant about sociopaths and psychopaths. I know there is a difference between the two. Socipath is a personality disorder. You can find it in the DSM. Psychopath seems to be a label that is used more in forensics. They're not the same thing. Then there's pathological lying- another thing that can exist by itself. I looked on wikipedia for psychopath and found this very interesting passage about how psychopaths lie, it's just one passage, but here it is:
"Psychopaths are not perfect liars. The speech of psychopaths is often riddled with wild inconsistencies and contradictions. While this is often due to their usually improvisational method and poor emotional understanding, there is also a cognitive deficit at play. Robert Hare argues that psychopaths have difficulty integrating the components of their thought processes and thus fail to notice the absurdities in their speech. They simply toss ideas at their listener without putting much thought into coherence. Cleckley called this phenomenon "semantic aphasia".[74] For instance, one psychopath told Hare: "I had to steal sometimes to get out of town, yeah, but I'm not a fucking criminal."[75] Another psychopath was once asked if he ever committed a violent crime, and responded: "No, but once I had to kill someone."
One other thing about the wiki article is it pointed out stuff that shrinks are still trying to figure out--like everything else there's debate, like about what it is and what causes it. The DSM does not have an entry for psychopath.
Good luck.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (5 votes cast)
Maybe I should have said 'a... (Below threshold)

March 17, 2012 11:44 AM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

Maybe I should have said 'antisocial personality disorder.' Sorry. This stuff is hard to read...it's like some researcher says, "Weeeeellll...." and documents something....over and over again, only with different researchers, and different conclusions. Where's a nice 'Criminal Minds' tv show type of snappy analysis when you need one?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Dear Drunken Master:<... (Below threshold)

March 17, 2012 11:55 AM | Posted by JohnK: | Reply

Dear Drunken Master:

When will you write about the Kony 2012 issue? I understand rum is delicious, but it is time you focus your superhuman critical eye on this gigantic youtube creature.

You are part Guy Debold, part Erving Goffman, part the mythical Drunken Dragon of the bamboo forest in Taoist folklore.

Just write it you bastard!

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 4 (8 votes cast)
No you didn't, the last psy... (Below threshold)

March 17, 2012 7:19 PM | Posted, in reply to JohnJ's comment, by Rob: | Reply

No you didn't, the last psychiatrist like many people unfortunately misinterpreted the film. Bret Easton Ellis has said that of course Patrick Bateman is a serial killer and the murderers were real, now were they all real? Not necessarily. Certain sequences in the book indicate he hallucinates and is losing touch with reality as the story progresses.

The director of American Psycho has said her biggest failure with the movie was the ending because it made people think it was all in his head. That was not her intention, the secretary finding his notebook with the disgusting drawings was just so she would find out how mentally ill he is. And his lawyer not recognizing him was another example of how no could tell each other a part, everyone wore the same in clothes, same job, etc. It's a running joke in the book in fact.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (4 votes cast)
'So when you say you're add... (Below threshold)

March 18, 2012 12:55 AM | Posted by Ryan: | Reply

'So when you say you're addicted to "sex" or porn, you're actually addicted to the work product of a Madison Avenue brainstorm run by guys whose names are initials. "Quick, call J.T., the rubes'll eat this up!"'

I think it's more complicated than that. "Secular Changes in Standards of Bodily Attractiveness in American Women: Different Masculine and Feminine Ideals" is consistant with that. It says that men's tastes, as represented by the measurements of Playboy and Ms. America winners have changed little over time. It's women's tastes in women's pictures as measured by those in vogue that fluctuate constantly.

I would infer that people uncolored by biological sexual interest in women, specifically women (and gay men) have majority influence in the choices of the women's fashion and styling industry, so it's unsurprising, and in fact predictable that they stray away from what straight men find most sexually attractive.

However, in the letter to the editor "Pornographic Actresses are a Poor Choice for Assessing What Men Optimally Prefer in Women’s Looks: Comments on Voracek and Fisher (2006)", Holland notes that the women in professional US-made pornography were not the most attractive unless they came from an impoverished country. The American actresses had significantly more masculine features than males prefer when given a choice in sexual partners. Furthermore, he found that the harder-core pornography tended to be the most popular of each genre. The conclusion he draws is that women from poor countries with few opportunities get into pornography as a way out, because small-scale modeling and other jobs in their home country would not pay enough [few if any of them have the combination of looks and characteristics to become supermodels, even if they are quite good looking compared to average]. He presents the view that the poor women serve as the exception that proves the rule that the women who get into pornography for reasons other than financial desperation have a larger amount of testosterone, causing them to have a greater desire for sexual activity. That is consistent with their masculine features. They reach popularity because thanks to their higher level of testosterone, which means they are willing to go farther than other women (as they have to due to the lower attractiveness, creating a positive feedback loops).

TL,DR version: just because a man wants to watch a particular porn movie or picture, doesn't mean the man finds their looks particularly attractive

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (9 votes cast)
"What he is actually feelin... (Below threshold)

March 18, 2012 9:32 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

"What he is actually feeling guilty about isn't that he wasn't there for his sister-- that's too easy to get out of-- but that his commitment to his own life made him not be there for his sister. Anyone who has ever lost someone to suicide knows this feeling, and everyone else does not."

Damn straight. Very well put. Maybe you should write more on this sometime.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 4 (6 votes cast)
"the point was using his ac... (Below threshold)

March 19, 2012 10:31 AM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by puppylander: | Reply

"the point was using his actions and the movies to say something about normal people."

that's what i'm challenging. what can you really say about real people by looking at a fictional person?

it's one thing if the fictional person is a reasonable facsimile of a real person (if brandon is a reasonable facsimile of a real sex addict).

on the other hand, how much insight can you really gain into dissociative identity disorder by watching "sybil"?

in other words, i can understand tlp's analysis as a practice in method, but it's kinda weird to ask "does brandon think he's going to succeed rather than self-sabotage?" it's weird to ask because brandon literally does not think at all. he is not a real person.

contrast with a woman asking whether it's ok to ask for a bigger engagement ring. she's also not thinking, but it's only figurative.

none of this is meant to detract from the fun of reading tlp, or the fun of tlp's writing, or the fun of tlp's analysis--just noting limits to the inferences.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -3 (11 votes cast)
I've learned something from... (Below threshold)

March 19, 2012 4:28 PM | Posted by DGS: | Reply

I've learned something from the girl I am with:

Be confident in your choices. Yes, you might be wrong, but if you don't have the confidence you will be much less satisfied than just eating the consequences of your (looking back) not the best choice.

Then make the choice to remedy and move on. You must want better things for yourself and others.

And look for the positives once the situation changes and forces you to choose again.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (4 votes cast)
I do not like porn because ... (Below threshold)

March 19, 2012 5:17 PM | Posted by Porn and Empathy: | Reply

I do not like porn because I am not fond of being turned on,turned off and very sad at the same time.
I wonder if the women and men have been sexually abused as children. I wonder what may have happened to them when they were children-based on information about abused children.
I also do not like how women are treated and do not beleive they enjoy themselves, and I am sure some do. It is a mixed bag if you have empathy and does not seem worth the sadness.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 12 (14 votes cast)
@Guy Fox@... (Below threshold)

March 20, 2012 11:57 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

@Guy Fox

@Phil A

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
@Phil A@G... (Below threshold)

March 21, 2012 12:02 AM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

@Phil A

@Guy Fox

Celibacy is not an option for most men. This should be obvious.

The non-muscular men you mentioned were famous, successful, and extremely charming and social. Once again, we are talking about gifted people. We can't all be winners. Female hypergamy guarantees losers.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -4 (10 votes cast)
@Phil AI will fuck... (Below threshold)

March 21, 2012 12:12 AM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

@Phil A

I will fuck nearly anyone. I hit on fat girls, ugly girls, old girls. Anyone. Let's just say standards aren't a problem.

I was a virgin until 27. I've now had a grand total of two sexual partners (not counting the one escort I dealt with).

I'm aware of the disease risks. I have disease risks with girls in bars. I wear a condom, get tested, and only use one escort. Not having sex isn't an option.

Looks are everything. Fame, money, etc can help if your at the very top of the hierarchy (famous, a millionaire, etc) but if your just an ugly upper middle class professional you're nobody.

"So what were you complaining about again? You don't get it as often as you want? It's hard work and hard work sucks? Oh...well all of that sympathy you built up in the first few paragraphs just evaporated. "

Yes, that's is my point. I know you don't have sympathy, you don't have any sympathy for anyone that wasn't born gifted. I let people know there is another way to satisfy innate urges that are never going to go away and there is no away around without having to degrade yourself and waste your life chasing after them and its shaming time. Your disgusting.

@Guy Fox

Celibacy is not an option for most men. This should be obvious.

The non-muscular men you mentioned were famous, successful, and extremely charming and social. Once again, we are talking about gifted people. We can't all be winners. Female hypergamy guarantees losers.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -6 (20 votes cast)
And this is why amateur por... (Below threshold)

March 21, 2012 4:03 AM | Posted, in reply to Porn and Empathy's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

And this is why amateur porn is superior; the participants enjoy the voyeurism as much as you do.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 6 (6 votes cast)
To me the most significant ... (Below threshold)

March 22, 2012 11:15 PM | Posted by DPC: | Reply

To me the most significant SHAME Brandon felt wasn't the result of his sexual conquests.

He had deep seeded shame from a traumatizing childhood and he was trying to numb it out with sex. Like all addictions he needed more and more to attain the same numbing effect.

That's what the line "we're not bad people, we just come from a bad place" is about. They (Brandon and his sister) were constantly battling a shame deep within them formed by any number of bad things that can happen to a child. As I understand it many sexually abused children carry a tremendous amount of shame with them and have a terrible time becoming intimate with partners later on in life.

They're both running from that deep pain without a name (shame) that came from not getting their needs met as children.

Seemed pretty straight forward to me, I think you've over-complicated it.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 13 (15 votes cast)
reminds me of Kafka - Der P... (Below threshold)

March 25, 2012 12:51 PM | Posted by afk: | Reply

reminds me of Kafka - Der Process
»Wie ein Hund!« sagte er, es war, als sollte die Scham ihn überleben.
"Like a dog!" he
said, it was as if the shame of it should outlive him.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -3 (3 votes cast)
I assume you are a heterose... (Below threshold)

March 27, 2012 6:53 AM | Posted, in reply to porn's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

I assume you are a heterosexual male.

As a heterosexual female, attitudes toward sex and sexuality such as yours make me want to run away as fast as I can, as far as I can, from those who are so uninterested in what your sex object might think, feel, or do.

This is not criticism, it is fact.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 12 (16 votes cast)
Alcoholics don't look for n... (Below threshold)

March 27, 2012 10:08 AM | Posted by qwer: | Reply

Alcoholics don't look for new drinks. Wanker.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 9 (9 votes cast)
Shame comes in many dimen... (Below threshold)

March 28, 2012 3:07 PM | Posted by Harry Horton: | Reply

Shame comes in many dimensions and areas evidently. The recent articles on a developing situation in Arkansas involving Johnson & Johnson's risperdal fraudulent actions of the past decade or so.
"Bloomberg News": "J&J duped Arkansas doctors over risperdal, lawyer tells jury." March 27, 2012. Quote: "J&J's Janssesn unit made misleading claims about risperdal's health risks and effectiveness in a letter to more than 6,200 Arkansas doctors, violating the state's deceptive trade practices, one of the state's lawyers told a jury in Little Rock today. Arkansas is seeking more than 1.25 billion in penalties over the campaign."

Other articles off the internet:
"Trial begins in Arkansas' suit against Johnsons & Johnson subsidary over antipsychotic drug" Washington Post.
"Trial begins in Arkansas over Antipsychotic Drug" ABC NEws.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Alone says: "I certainly do... (Below threshold)

March 31, 2012 1:16 AM | Posted by Dave: | Reply

Alone says: "I certainly don't begrudge anyone looking to lay some pipe or a woman looking for a pipelayer, but again, I am neither a film critic nor a therapist, I do not assume normality for you, I let you decide that for yourself."

You're not a therapist???

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (11 votes cast)
TLP is a forensic psychiatr... (Below threshold)

April 1, 2012 4:41 PM | Posted, in reply to Dave's comment, by Facebinder: | Reply

TLP is a forensic psychiatrist as far as I can recall, not necessarily a therapist then.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (8 votes cast)
Section II is enlightning, ... (Below threshold)

April 6, 2012 6:43 PM | Posted by Mr.TalkLot: | Reply

Section II is enlightning, but also a little confusing.

One common explanation sex addicts offer is that it is the novelty that they crave......Repetition compulsion masquerading as novelty seeking.

The novelity you mention, translates in my mind to the following: increasing level of stimuli. To an addict, it's highly desireable that the stimuli (whatever it may be) have a positive slope, at least not decreasing. Tomorrow, one want something more, better, higher - at least not less then yesterday.

Guy, first hand experience with addiction, although not sex. I need to kill myself (it's not literal).

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
For being some bold visiona... (Below threshold)

April 8, 2012 10:26 AM | Posted by Washington: | Reply

For being some bold visionary who was the only one who supposedly noticed the race thing everyone else missed you didn't seem to notice that the first woman we see him have sex with in the movie is a black prostitute. Or that the way he sabotaged the sex with the co-worker interested in him was not by picking a black girl but by doing COKE in the bathroom right beforehand. You can't get it up after doing that shit.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 8 (10 votes cast)
I think that your read on t... (Below threshold)

April 10, 2012 1:04 AM | Posted by pH: | Reply

I think that your read on the significance of Marianne is all right. It's true that no critics mention Marianne's race. One can only assume that McQueen, a gay, black, Lefty MFA-holding artist is thoroughly read in critical theory and is never blind to the holy trinity of race-class-gender in his work. For me, the fact that Marianne is black is a a piece with the fact that she is apparently a low-level employee and a Brooklynite. In other words, she's a local girl, a nice girl, she's "authentic." And "authentic" is precisely what Brandon is not, from his sex drive to arid middle-class life with his jogging, his mannered taste in old-fashioned cartoons and Bach, his bare-walled Chelsea apartment with its Ikea furniture, Red Bulls, Brooklyn Brewery brews, and Chinese takeout.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 6 (8 votes cast)
Yo, was the waiter fucking ... (Below threshold)

April 10, 2012 4:00 AM | Posted by Mike: | Reply

Yo, was the waiter fucking with him at the restaurant?

First he mentions that they have Pino Noir on the menu, then qualifies that shit by saying "...you know, if you like it like that." I failed grade 9 French, but noir=black, right? Then he tells Brandon the crab is shelled, reminding him "yo dawg, yer a jew. remember who you are!!!"

Then the bitch orders lamb and the waiter reccomends they get the meat "pink". The black bitch has obviously internalized this kinda racism but Brandon's inabilty to pick up on it (or general notgiveafuckness?) is swag as shit to her.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 9 (11 votes cast)
@anon 3/21What a L... (Below threshold)

April 11, 2012 6:13 PM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

@anon 3/21

What a LOSER you are. I am certain you are physically repulsive with the personality of bathroom slime mold, yet you speak of "fat women ugly women old women" as if they are beneath you? Perhaps the reason you are semi-virginal in your late 20s is because your mental self doesn't match up to your reality? And, perhaps, it is because you treat women like utter shit, as objects to relieve your frustrated sexual impulses, who infuriating refuse to comply because you yourself are physically vomit inducing?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (14 votes cast)
meilleur sevice de l... (Below threshold)

May 2, 2012 11:45 PM | Posted by Nike Air Max 90: | Reply


meilleur sevice de la manière suivante:


http://www.timberlandmonopole.com/

Timberland

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
ive cheated on every guy iv... (Below threshold)

June 3, 2012 6:40 PM | Posted by lacey allen: | Reply

ive cheated on every guy ive went with and now no guy wants to go long term with me,i was bridesmaid for my best friend and a week later i was caught sucking her new hubbys cock im so ashsmed but she hates me her and her sisters and all my ex friends tied me to the lampost in our town and attached a sign saying stinking dirty whore and i was there the whole day and even ladys spat on me

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -3 (9 votes cast)
Speaking of shame..?... (Below threshold)

June 5, 2012 6:29 AM | Posted, in reply to lacey allen's comment, by Fast: | Reply

Speaking of shame..?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Hi, just wanted to tell you... (Below threshold)

October 4, 2012 5:34 PM | Posted by Tyler Tran: | Reply

Hi, just wanted to tell you, I enjoyed this blog post. It was funny. Keep on posting!
Hi, I just wanted to tell you, you’re dead wrong. Your article doesn’t make any sense.
Hello, how’s it going? Just shared this post with a colleague, we had a good laugh.
Incredible points. Sound arguments. Keep up the great work.
This text is worth everyone’s attention. How can I find out more?
Highly energetic blog, I liked that a lot. Will there be a part 2?
Incredible story there. What happened after? Take care!
Do you have any video of that? I’d love to find out some additional information.
Informative article, just what I was looking for.
Hi there, I read your blogs on a regular basis. Your humoristic style is witty, keep it up!
Hi to every single one, it’s truly a good for me to visit this web page, it includes helpful Information.
I am truly pleased to read this website posts which carries lots of helpful data, thanks for providing these kinds of statistics.
This video post is actually great, the noise quality and the picture quality of this tape post is genuinely amazing.
Hi there to every body, it’s my first go to see of this web site; this weblog consists of awesome and in fact good stuff for visitors.
Hurrah, that’s what I was exploring for, what a stuff! existing here at this blog, thanks admin of this web site.
What’s up, every time i used to check blog posts here in the early hours in the break of day, for the reason that i enjoy to gain knowledge of more and more.
What’s up to every one, as I am in fact eager of reading this web site’s post to be updated regularly. It includes nice stuff.
I all the time emailed this website post page to all my friends, because if like to read it then my friends will too.
Can you please send by e-mail me the code for this script or please tell me in detail concerning this script?
Your method of explaining the whole thing in this post is in fact pleasant, every one be capable of effortlessly be aware of it, Thanks a lot.
Fine way of telling, and pleasant article to obtain facts about my presentation focus, which i am going to present in institution of higher education.
Hi, I desire to subscribe for this web site to obtain most up-to-date updates, so where can i do it please help.
Hi, after reading this awesome piece of writing i am as well delighted to share my familiarity here with colleagues.
Wonderful, what a blog it is! This webpage provides useful data to us, keep it up.
Hi all, here every person is sharing these kinds of know-how, so it’s nice to read this website, and I used to go to see this blog daily.
What a funny blog! I actually loved watching this comic video with my family as well as including my mates.
Sketches are in fact pleasant source of teaching instead of content, its my familiarity, what would you say?
Hello, its fastidious post concerning media print, we all understand media is a fantastic source of facts.
What’s up, this weekend is good in favor of me, as this time i am reading this fantastic educational article here at my residence.
This is my first time go to see at here and i am genuinely pleassant to read everthing at one place.
Nice answers in return of this query with real arguments and explaining all about that.
I pay a visit each day a few websites and websites to read content, however this web site offers feature based content.
Sure high resolution videotape quality includes much memory, that’s why it gives you enhanced quality.
If you are free to watch funny videos online then I suggest you to go to see this website, it contains in fact thus humorous not only movies but also additional information.
I know this website gives quality based posts and other material, is there any other website which presents these data in quality?
Hi colleagues, its great piece of writing concerning teachingand entirely defined, keep it up all the time.
Downloading information from this web site is as effortless |as clicking the mouse rather than other websites which shift me here and there on the internet pages.
Hi everybody, I am sure you will be enjoying here by watching these hilarious videos.
I every time spent my half an hour to read this blog’s posts daily along with a mug of coffee.
Hurrah! At last I got a webpage from where I be able to actually obtain valuable facts regarding my study and knowledge.
Hello, the whole thing is going fine here and ofcourse every one is sharing data, that’s in fact fine, keep up writing.
If you want to improve your knowledge only keep visiting this website and be updated with the most recent news update posted here.
Hi there to every one, the contents present at this web page are actually amazing for people knowledge, well, keep up the good work fellows.
No one can reject from the feature of this video posted at this web site, pleasant job, keep it all the time.
No matter if some one searches for his vital thing, thus he/she desires to be available that in detail, thus that thing is maintained over here.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (7 votes cast)
"Brandon has a very specifi... (Below threshold)

October 19, 2012 8:57 PM | Posted by John: | Reply

"Brandon has a very specific problem, and it is not sex: freedom."

Oh boy-oh-boy... Well, then the clear and obvious solution is to deprive him of it.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
"Wait, were we talking abou... (Below threshold)

October 19, 2012 9:02 PM | Posted, in reply to John's comment, by John: | Reply

"Wait, were we talking about Brandon not wanting intimacy?"

Might something be interfering with his sensibilities on the matter?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
"The guilt always stays wit... (Below threshold)

October 19, 2012 9:15 PM | Posted by John: | Reply

"The guilt always stays with you. Always. It never goes away. Never. I'm of course not saying you deserve it, but I know it is your inevitable tormentor. So either you reach some kind of stalemate with it or it beats you down. That stalemate is sublimation."

What if it's not guilt, but something else that's torturing him? Fundamental attribution errors can lead to treatment ones, too. concerned treatment-folk make a fundamental attribution error and A fundamental attribution error , buAnd say, concerned citizens

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
This is the first article I... (Below threshold)

November 14, 2012 4:00 AM | Posted by Chris: | Reply

This is the first article I have ever read on this site, and I found it to be brilliantly profound. I will certainly return, on a daily basis at that. However, I still don't understand your point about Marianne being black?

One of his prostitutes is distinctly Asian, whilst the man he gets a blow job from is black. The sex addict Brandon engages people of both multiple sexes, and even genders. So why is Matrix Brandon's choice of a black woman so pivotal. What indications of this are there? I don't deny that his attempts with Marianne were riddled with self sabotage. I just don't think her being black has any particular significance.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 7 (9 votes cast)
Your english is extremely p... (Below threshold)

December 16, 2012 7:22 PM | Posted by Jas: | Reply

Your english is extremely painful to read

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -3 (3 votes cast)
Brilliant post - My sex add... (Below threshold)

December 24, 2012 5:05 AM | Posted by Tom: | Reply

Brilliant post - My sex addiction started at age 8. How, you may ask? It's true I've lived it. It's all about need for intimacy and connection. I was starved for connection and self worth. My family didn't provide it. They actually detracted from it. My reaction to porn became my drug of choice to "medicate" my emptiness and isolation. It provided the chemical reaction of intimacy - the brain science explains it. Do I feel shame? Absolutely, and, regret. All the time lost. All the relationships aborted. The potential lost. Totally spot on.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 6 (8 votes cast)
Thanks, this might have cha... (Below threshold)

December 25, 2012 11:39 PM | Posted by This Guy: | Reply

Thanks, this might have changed my life. I think I understand myself a bit better now. I feel better about moving on in my sex life.

I hope I can have the normal, and therefore perfect, relationship with that girl I'm thinking about now. I do feel terrible about what happened, which I guess is why I'm doing my best to let go of my extraneous sexual desires (those outside of her).

Thanks Last, again. Shit.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
I find women beautiful rega... (Below threshold)

January 10, 2013 1:05 AM | Posted by JOEL: | Reply

I find women beautiful regardless of race, get over yourself!

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (4 votes cast)
I find women beautiful rega... (Below threshold)

January 10, 2013 1:05 AM | Posted by JOEL: | Reply

I find women beautiful regardless of race, get over yourself!

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
I find women beautiful rega... (Below threshold)

January 10, 2013 1:07 AM | Posted by JOEL: | Reply

I find women beautiful regardless of race, get over yourself!

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (4 votes cast)
What a crap analysis to be ... (Below threshold)

January 12, 2013 7:08 PM | Posted by C. S. Bro: | Reply

What a crap analysis to be frank.

This movie is clearly about child abuse, but of course, it is much less unpleasent to just think of the main character as some 'bad guy'.

The title Shame is a double innuendo. Both to the shame felt at his addiction, but as much to the shame felt by children subjected to (sex) abuse.

The siblings relationship, with incesteous undertones is not about them, but their inability to show love in normal healthy ways. Very clear displays again of oversexualized children becoming adults.

I really hope you're not a real psychiatrist.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 2 (10 votes cast)
Well, I'm a male prostitute... (Below threshold)

January 14, 2013 9:08 PM | Posted by James: | Reply

Well, I'm a male prostitute, and you'd be surprised how many "alpha" men hire me for my services. These are beautiful men who could have anyone they want from any gay bar, but they just buy me for the convenience. Well, and most of them are married and have children. Most of my clients are quite attractive.

Sex is just another way of making a living to some of us.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 6 (6 votes cast)
As a matter of interest, th... (Below threshold)

January 22, 2013 11:16 AM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

As a matter of interest, the black girl Brandon goes on a date with is not specifically black or white. The girl's backround and skin colour are not explicitly stated. McQueen went with what ever actress he felt could play the part.
No ciritics or commentators have mentioned the fact the red hair girl we see at the start and the end is herself a sex addict. I believe she is on the opposite swing of the pendulum of shame Brandon goes on. At the start, she has gone through an experience that highlights to her the wrongness of what she does. This is why she flirts, but then gets upset by her actions. The end, we see her back to her old ways. The clue to this is the fact her rings have changed position. This could be one of two things. It could be a code, the sort of thing Chuck Palahniuk would describe in Choke(also about a sex addict). I'm thinking something along the lines of what it means when someone weaars a Claddah ring (a watered down, non sexualized version of a shiela na Gig). Wear it one way and it means 'I'm taken', wear it the other and it means 'I'm available'. Either that, or she has been playing with them during some soul searching. anyone thought this?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
I think being vulnerable to... (Below threshold)

February 16, 2013 4:56 PM | Posted by Joel: | Reply

I think being vulnerable to the feelings that are arising does allow them to clear and resolve. I'm surprised that a more people don't realize that coping isn't the only way of interacting with your emotional system.

I've personally found shame resolves to a feeling of inadequacy and failure. There's also grieving involved: i.e the loss of what could have been if I was "better". Also helpless for it's too late. Your do feel the way you do.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Given that as best I can se... (Below threshold)

April 1, 2013 4:58 PM | Posted, in reply to David Carreon's comment, by Ron Cadillac: | Reply

Given that as best I can see and analyse, reality is in fact a kaleidoscope filled with whirling colours, signifying nothing, then that is how I wish to see it, as opposed to an anamorphic projection of the inside of my own head---otherwise, why bother go to the bother of seeing anything?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
With regard to Section V: t... (Below threshold)

April 1, 2013 5:57 PM | Posted by Ron Cadillac: | Reply

With regard to Section V: three quibbles, the first more solid than the next two:

0.) Your coin-toss argument is wrong, as it assumes that happiness or its lack are outcomes of every single toss, when in fact the world seems to operate such that happiness (or any other desired state) were the product of many minute decisions, each of which may present outcomes which don't appear to differ much or at all, and so you might need to have a very unlikely ensemble of coin-tosses all come out right in order to get there. (Conservatives---the old kind, not free-market ideologues---state that this is why we should stick to behaviours vetted [in their minds] by Tradition, because so many other such _seem_ innocuous but have in the end proved dangerous---masturbating once without guilt might not harm anyone, but a society that doesn't discourage such will become filled with masturbators who will something something and we'll all die or turn Black. Liberals point out that evolution frequently gets it wrong for changing circumstances, or optimises passing-on genes but not our individual happinesses, and so the set of traditional behaviours contains much that will be good at passing themselves along, but not good for us as perceiving and emoting beings.)

1.) I gather you don't think much of evolutionary psychology. I don't think much of its worship, or sloppy misinterpretation, but agree with its basic point about our being products of evolution and so our states can be partially explained by how well they play with passing on genes. I find the argument about there being cues which are naturally strong, but are even stronger when exaggerated, compelling---the cat is excited to see the red glow of a vole's eye, but the laser's dot is the same but more so, and the cat goes nuts. I reckon that that is why "we" prefer Photoshopped models: they are altered such that our responses are intensified.

2.) You seem to be claiming that because one has a particular set of notions as to what is beautiful, constructed quite possibly by Madison Avenue, our desire for such is not fundamental. That is not so in exactly the same way that the appetite for food is fundamental even though its particular expression is both culturally and idiosyncratically conditioned. We have no example of a culture that finds all body- and face-types equally attractive: this means that, arbitrary though it is, the acquisition of a particular set of fetiches for different physical configurations (of faces and bodies and clothing) is inextricably linked to male sexual desire, regardless of its particulars. (Analogy: every iterative approximation method requires an initial guess---good ones don't really care how off that guess were, the difference will be only in the length of time to converge on a right-enough answer---but an initial guess is necessary.)

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Love that you yourself are ... (Below threshold)

May 1, 2013 2:45 AM | Posted by anon: | Reply

Love that you yourself are so conditioned by society that you immediately read into Marianne's color as a negative. Obviously the main character couldn't be attracted to her because she's black, right? If she'd been white, you'd immediately have said it was intimacy issues. Society has programmed you to be a racist and you don't even know it.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 4 (8 votes cast)
I loved the synopsis! Loved... (Below threshold)

July 15, 2013 1:15 AM | Posted by Maria: | Reply

I loved the synopsis! Loved it. The movie? Not so much. so many gaps and weird inferrences. I envisioned half way through that Fassy and Carrie would get into a not so friendly sibling clutch on the sofa. as in RAPE. Kinda finishing off what I suspect he started when she was 12 or so. Yes, a grim rape scene would have answered a lot of questions and explained their attraction/repulsion for each other. Also he seem to be jealous when she was screwing his boss so that could easily have been the catalyst for the rape and screwed up feelings toward her and women in general. Otherwise I am not so sure her presence was all that disruptive. He seemed only to screw outside anyway so how was she cramping his style?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (2 votes cast)
Rereading some of the comme... (Below threshold)

July 15, 2013 1:52 AM | Posted by maria: | Reply

Rereading some of the comments on the symbolism of black woman representing his attempt at a 'normal' dating life, I am convinced he was not really trying at all to be normal, I mean, necking in the office in broad daylight? She was fully into it too! Then high-tailing it to the nearest hotel? During work hours? C'mon. That is NOT normal dating. She was just as much ready to screw at a moment's notice as he was. Black or not, she came on to him, they had dinner once and bang, time for sex! There are plenty of women who are just like her: bad choices, impulsive behaviour, masquerading as a normal fling. And why do American movies just skip foreplay altogether? Is removing ones clothes now considered foreplay? If I was hot to trot I would savour the moment, not just rip into it. When he tries to penetrate her and fails to come up with the goods oh god, it's soooo tragic! And he GIVES UP! What about touching, oral sex on HER and anything else? Penis-centric lovemaking that's all it is. And how typical a woman has to say "It's cool, you know". Why is that our job to comfort the flacid man? I would leave too if I realised he was not making any effort to give me some sugar. But then again. not only is he penis-centric he's centric-centric.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (5 votes cast)
Thank you for writing about... (Below threshold)

October 6, 2013 1:03 AM | Posted by Elise K: | Reply

Thank you for writing about drinking versus pornography and adultery making the old wife want to jump off a roof. I do. Everyday. And my husband has mocked me in my old age as unworthy and not as much fun as his photoshopped ideal. And I do believe in God or I would jump off a roof and I would jump off a roof believing in God except that we can't escape into the grave according to the Bible. So I look longingly at the roof but don't ever climb up there And my old guy left me for someone I don't think is more attractive and I got all of our money and I have great children and one did get a sleeve and in spite of it all nothing really takes away being heartbroken. Because I don't hate him, I miss him and feel so sorry for him and I think of sorrow only except when his girlfriend wants our money and takes me to court often. Otherwise, I have to take medication to cope with how bad I feel. And another relationship is what my children want for me to have and I could never do that because of my faith and probably more than that, and I am so sorry to my dearest God who has cared for me always, I would always be suspicious all men think as my husband. My husband has destroyed us both.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
There is nothing in ... (Below threshold)

February 8, 2014 7:41 PM | Posted by Dom: | Reply


There is nothing in the movie to support your theory that Brandon couldn't get it up because his partner was black (he got it up for a black man and another minority woman). That leaves me to conclude that you're substituting your racist attitudes for that of Brandon's.

Because you obviously find "hot" blondes the epitome of beauty doesn't mean that all men do. (i.e. Michael Fassbender in real life obviously does not.)

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -3 (3 votes cast)
Good grief. A whore raped y... (Below threshold)

February 16, 2014 3:42 PM | Posted, in reply to David Carreon's comment, by jonny: | Reply

Good grief. A whore raped your mind.

The question of right sexuality in a post-God era is very interesting to me. How can we say "No" with the only moral absolute being "so long as it doesn't hurt anyone"?

Why are you saying "No" to [having fun without hurting anyone]? Stay out of your children's sex lives, you filthy creep.

Classifying hypersexuality as an unsatisfying addiction with all the 'shame' and collateral damage that comes with it is a compelling approach.

With all your shame and collateral damage that comes with it. Why do you find the shaming of biology to be so compelling?

A whore raped your mind. Now you're a filthy pervert. And Shame begat Shame.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (5 votes cast)
You're wrong, because a who... (Below threshold)

February 16, 2014 4:57 PM | Posted, in reply to jonny's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

You're wrong, because a whore raped your mind, because you're wrong.

Sounds good to me.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (3 votes cast)
I understand your infantile... (Below threshold)

February 16, 2014 11:02 PM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by jonny: | Reply

I understand your infantile mother felt it shrewd to simply ignore questions she didn't care for (killing two birds with one stone when her antisocial nature only served to enhance whore mystique), but you cannot paraphrase ignorance.

You're disturbed. A whore disturbed you. If you need further illumination of the nature of the disturbance, answer all questions punctuated by this symbol: [?] I am not probing for further information, I know the answers. The questions are leading.

Let them lead you out of the depravity in which you exist, trapped in a meaningless life of whore suffering, running around in circles, frustrated and confused, reminding yourself to think positive as you unwittingly spew whore filth in the public domain.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (3 votes cast)
Quitting porn is easy? That... (Below threshold)

February 21, 2014 11:05 AM | Posted by GentlePath: | Reply

Quitting porn is easy? That wasn't my experience.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Ah yes, another person who ... (Below threshold)

February 22, 2014 12:30 AM | Posted, in reply to jonny's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

Ah yes, another person who thinks consistency is a substitute for intelligence, shock a replacement for cleverness and novelty as an ends rather than a mean. Your theory means nothing, to nobody but yourself, and it is transparently clear that you only believe it because you need to, not because you believe it. The fact that you keep posting about it, repeatedly and with little provocation, would signal to a more self-aware person this fact. But, whatever. It's definitely women, and other men, alright. Which doesn't mean it's you, phew.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (6 votes cast)
Your theory means ... (Below threshold)

February 22, 2014 9:18 AM | Posted by jonny: | Reply

Your theory means nothing, to nobody but yourself, and it is transparently clear that you only believe it because you need to, not because you believe it.

When a mammal mother's cub in the animal kingdom reaches independence, it becomes a total ingrate. It just runs along and lives its own life selfishly, without the slightest consideration for its mother's feelings.

Because there are no whores in the animal kingdom who are led to believe they are entitled to the suffering of men and children in exchange for doing what they are biologically coded to want to do. There is no shame of biology in the animal kingdom. Animal mothers have no interest in cannibalising their young. That is why there are no wars fought between animal tribes breeding mutilated children willing to die to prove their worth to whores who fabricate diabolical lies and shame natural, compulsive, humane conduct to make children feel wretched, worthless and sorry just for existing.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex

Aoyama's first task with most of her clients is encouraging them "to stop apologising for their own physical existence".

You infantile demons reduce children with the minds of gods and the blood of fucking deities in their veins to mindless slaves? Oh you slut-shamed vermin have lost your fucking minds but you refuse to accept that your existence is illegitimate. And that doing [what you want to do] does not grant you any claim to the suffering of men and children.

Mammal mothers don't feel their capacity for evil gives them an entitlement to enslave their young, so they don't fabricate putrid lies [i.imgur.com/oRinBsX.jpg] to make children feel bad about not suffering to please them. You need to fuck yourself, literally.

Children didn't ask to be here so they owe you nothing. Men owe you nothing. You filthy leeches impose nauseating, unsolicited favors and gifts [i.imgur.com/7cisPyk.png] on men and children and then feel bumhurt when they aren't grateful for the mutilation of their minds and genitals? Ingrates!

I know you feel that your children should be willing to kill and die for you but you're The Stain on the human existence. You need scrubbing off the face of the planet stained with the blood of 100 billion children bred to suffer just to please a fucking Stain.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
The fact that you ... (Below threshold)

February 22, 2014 12:08 PM | Posted, in reply to Anonymous's comment, by jonny: | Reply

The fact that you keep posting about it, repeatedly and with little provocation, would signal to a more self-aware person this fact.

I keep posting about it because I am fucking right. I am not presenting a theory. I'm just pointing out reality you don't want to accept because you enjoy emotionally cannibalising Your Own.

As a girl, you were betrayed by a whore who stained you with her hate. Rather than identify as a victim of abuse, you embraced her perverted values because her shame had changed you. Corrupted by repression-obsession, you became the pervert that you weren't when your mother shamed you. Toddlers are innocent. This isn't opinion. Women hate their betters. This isn't opinion.

theguardian.com/technology/2013/may/11/twitters-first-star

Disappointingly, she finds that most of the negative comments come from women.

"They're trying to shame me," Oxford says, "and it's all from women. Men don't care. A lot of women are like: Oh she's not fat, oh she's cute, she's funny, I hate her."

When you stop smearing the world with your putrid hate, I will stop pointing out the need for your evil to be scorched off the face of the earth. Whether or not people agree with reality is outside my control. How they feel has no bearing on what is real. Innocent girls are being objectified by putrid whores who shame biology in fear of competition. This isn't opinion. Look in a mirror. Can't you see the disease? It's all over you. You're fucking viral.


But, whatever. It's definitely women, and other men, alright. Which doesn't mean it's you, phew.

I am definitely not shaming children to enslave them. I am definitely degrading men to extort them. I am definitely not a perverted whore or whoreson in need of illegitimate approval from skidmarks. I am definitely not at fault. Why the fuck would I be relieved? You fucking whores owe me 8 billion friends! The fuck...?

They were my entitlement. They were mine. They're yours now. Who the hell would want them now? They're worthless. Stained.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (6 votes cast)
No, you keep posting about ... (Below threshold)

February 22, 2014 12:24 PM | Posted, in reply to jonny's comment, by Anonymous: | Reply

No, you keep posting about it because you're wrong, and can't deal with it.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (4 votes cast)
Johnny:I keep p... (Below threshold)

February 22, 2014 3:16 PM | Posted by HGJ: | Reply

Johnny:

I keep posting about it because I am fucking right. I am not presenting a theory. I'm just pointing out reality you don't want to accept because you enjoy emotionally cannibalising Your Own.

As a girl, you were betrayed by a whore who stained you with her hate. Rather than identify as a victim of abuse, you embraced her perverted values because her shame had changed you. Corrupted by repression-obsession, you became the pervert that you weren't when your mother shamed you.

You mad, bro?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
OMG SOMEONE IS WRONG ON TEH... (Below threshold)

February 22, 2014 3:19 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

OMG SOMEONE IS WRONG ON TEH INTERWEBS??

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Messed up the formatting. ... (Below threshold)

February 22, 2014 3:20 PM | Posted by HGJ: | Reply

Messed up the formatting. To clarify, both paragraphs above are Jonny's. All I wrote was "You mad, bro?" It looked fine on the preview, honest.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
My husband has des... (Below threshold)

March 21, 2014 10:09 PM | Posted, in reply to Elise K's comment, by jonny: | Reply

My husband has destroyed us both.

Come now Elise, how is that even possible? You want to impose, he wants to be free. Rather than blaming your ex-husband for not continuing to suffer just to please you, you should be dwelling on the fact that your need for suffering is insufferable.

I understand your position: No woman should have to perpetually earn or deserve the perpetual care of a man. Once, 30 years ago, should suffice. I know you feel a contract should be binding and it is; you broke the human contract. Humans don't enslave other humans against their will. Humans don't lie to humans to gain illusory advantage. The marriage contract your husband entered into was agreed to under duress. You explicitly manufactured that duress. Every marriage in the world is illegitimate because if men were supposed to care for infantile women who couldn't care for themselves, you wouldn't need legal and social ties to bind a man to your side in wedlock. You have no Right to own human slaves.

I found this article from 1954: [i.imgur.com/J7g47Kc.png] "Marriage for £ove: What Five City Girls Say"

Four city whores, one honest girl (who's still a victim of Society's scamming lies of entitlement which trick girls into joining women's Cargo Cult, but at least she's frank). Who could possibly care what the other four lying whores have to say? What they say is not what they do. Love only goes one way. When love that blinds no longer serves to bind, when your illusory value was lost with your illusory appeal, the sole function of marriage is activated. You planned ahead, aware of your fraud from the start.

[youtu.be/o_1aF54DO60] Young and Beautiful - Lana del Rey

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul?

What's to love? Love is an illusion. It will fade when the illusions of youth and beauty fade. Now if you peddled illusions when you should have been attaining independence, I have good news!

You're merely six feet away from peace.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
And my old guy lef... (Below threshold)

March 21, 2014 10:33 PM | Posted, in reply to Elise K's comment, by jonny: | Reply

And my old guy left me for someone I don't think is more attractive...

Your ex-husband's opinions and feelings are still irrelevant, in your mind. You're positively putrid. Are you satirical or real?

Maybe she's just more fun than you because she respects his right to think for himself, to feel for himself, to live without the dread of enduring endless disapproval, to choose his own path and make his own decisions and decide for himself without a putrid leech who Knows Best using violence, shame, coercion, threats and bullying to force him to suffer just to please her.

In the newspaper with the Five City Whores article, I found this:
[i.imgur.com/4vS6bQA.png?1] "I Killed Her to Free Him"

That maid was humane. I suppose she died in prison but what else could she do? The game is rigged to enable objectified whores to torture men and children. The last paragraph in that article describes a whore making love. I had a mother like that. They hijack all fun and even biological needs for survival because they have nothing of value to offer. All they do is inflict pain to manufacture the illusory Demand for their pain relief. They impose misery on their victims to force you to suffer to please them and love them or they'll never stop making you miserable.

Elise, this world owed you nothing. You had no entitlement to the suffering of anyone else. You have lived an evil life and illegitimately owned a slave for sometime against his will. Now he's escaped and you've stolen all his money. You were killing him. I know how he felt. "Fuck it. I only need to be free."

Humans only need to be free. No one should suffer to please. The natural state of humankind is happiness. Humans are born to want to contribute and share a world of endless joy, wonder, discovery and fun. But you filthy demon whores turned Heaven into your fucking Hell. Six feet, Elise. That's all. It's nothing.

I'll even help you dig.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
From the original post: ... (Below threshold)

April 19, 2014 6:58 PM | Posted by Anonymous: | Reply

From the original post: ... I may secretly believe that harlots and gays go to H-E-double toothpicks, but I do not think harlots and gays can't be happy until then. ...

It is interesting to see how no one picked up or bothered to comment on Alone's (not so) secret belief about gays going to hell. (Thankfully he grants at least some of us earthly happiness before his imaginary god throws us into the fire). What is completely hilarious is that quite a few people seem to have gotten really upset about the race issue. How dare he suggests that a fictional character with intimacy issues might chosen a black woman to date because he is predominantly attracted to white women in a freaking movie?!! Oh, but he says he actually believes that gays go to hell... well, yeah?

Alone, even the Catholic church and the Republicans are losing some of their anti-gay venom. When will you let yours go?

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I am feeling better and don... (Below threshold)

June 6, 2014 7:41 PM | Posted by Elise: | Reply

I am feeling better and don't need any of you to help me dig my grave or push me off the cliff. It helps that our judge awarded me lifetime alimony and a huge settlement. I can pay for law school for one of my kids and do whatever I want. I love my work and I make big bucks so I am not quitting my business. I have set my husband free and I am going to keep the alimony in a college fund for our grandchildren. The only reason he was ordered lifetime alimony is because he is a narcissistic asshole who married his girlfriend and brought her to court with him. He is free and what it really boils down to is money in the end for the above mean poster. I'm taking my lifetime support and I'm going to enjoy it all the way to the bank.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
You're a scumbag. ... (Below threshold)

July 13, 2014 2:39 AM | Posted by scumbag: | Reply

You're a scumbag.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Regarding Marianne: there i... (Below threshold)

August 21, 2014 5:17 PM | Posted by Alan: | Reply

Regarding Marianne: there is a distinct (though brief) scene earlier in the movie where we are inside Brandon's head, and where he's clearly having a sexual fantasy about Marianne. So, I think that leads me to believe that Brandon's desire of her was the same as any other woman's (as far as that goes).

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I like many of your ideas b... (Below threshold)

August 23, 2014 9:43 PM | Posted by Been there: | Reply

I like many of your ideas but I agree with Alan and some of the others that its not that Marianne was inappropriate choice for him. His behavior is what is inappropriate. Brandon was attracted to Marianne but HAD to ask her out if he was going to be able tohave sex with her. He was waiting for her to make a move but she didnt (He is used to not having to make an effort with women). If he had propositioned her at work she could accuse him of sexual harrassment.
On the date Marianne interpreted his awkwardness quite naturally as shyness or discomfort. The fact that he denied feeling this was true, but strange to her. This was the second red flag that he was bad news. The first was that he was late.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I don't speak English, and ... (Below threshold)

October 4, 2014 12:36 AM | Posted by Sperm Bag: | Reply

I don't speak English, and I apologize for that, but I could not resist, I could not help it at all, after reading this very tendentious article, to affirm that "school shooting = SHAME' characters siblings conflict" is damn ridiculous; the incest history between them is crystal clear, deny this and the true evidence of in the movie is than absurd that question whether or not Eli is blind in The Book of Eli. Shame on you, doc, shame.

Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Post a Comment


Live Comment Preview

October 23, 2014 06:05 AM | Posted by Anonymous: