April 28, 2008

Election 2008

Remember the good old days of 2004?  When political debate was suitable for yelling out open car windows?   "Bush lied!  And he's a cowboy!"  "Kerry flip flops!  And he's French!"  That was awesome.

This time around, instead of repeating empty, meaningless soundbites that we steal from various media sources, let's dispense with the pretense that we thought anything through, and simply yell out the sources themselves.

"CNBC at 12:30 Tuesday.  I don't remember most of it, but he got it from Rush Limbaugh."

"That's stupid, because I caught the last nine seconds of a contrasting position on Lou Dobbs at 8p on Wednesday.  That's prime time."

"My friend said XM said that All Things Considered said Dobbs was a fool, and ATC is  certainly more intellectual than the show you didn't watch, so I am ahead."

He boots up his Mac.  "Except The New Yorker had a three page story on the election that I therefore didn't need to read, so I own you."

"Oh, please, the friggin New Yorker.  I read Daily Kos."

"The Daily Kos can blow me."


"That's it?"

"Just saying."  He orders another decaf mocha.  "Besides, Time said bloggers are monkeys with one hand down their pants."

"The crawl on CNN said Time readership is down, and masturbating primates have determined six of the last three elections.  The crawl is where all the good stuff is."

"You wish.  That crawl is as compelling as a Soulja Boy acoustic set.  Besides, the anchor at CBS made fun of CNN.  Anchor beats crawl."

"But didn't the CBS anchor steal his quotes from CNBC?"

"Yes, who in turn quoted Rush--"

"--who was responding to something from The Daily Show!"  He tears open a Splenda.    "Wait, does all political discourse in this country originate with Rush Limbaugh and Jon Stewart?"

"Sadly, yes."

Pause.  He googles Juno and iphone.

"I wonder why that is?'


beginnig democracy.very hop... (Below threshold)

April 29, 2008 6:29 AM | Posted by Diane Abus: | Reply

beginnig democracy.very hopeful.

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Sounds like an improvement ... (Below threshold)

April 29, 2008 11:21 PM | Posted by Lucent: | Reply

Sounds like an improvement to me. Transferring the elitism which works so well in science to politics. The only arguments people make anyway are the magic sentences culled from commentary. By your observations, they're at least being honest about this. Now maybe Wikipedia won't spend so much time arguing with itself using human agents. I know I'm tired of trying to read the wiki faster than my opponent to pretend I already knew the topic.

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You have managed to boil do... (Below threshold)

May 5, 2008 12:06 PM | Posted by wowsers: | Reply

You have managed to boil down the zeitgeist of consumer politics in record time.

I tip my hat to you sir. (madam?)

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silly idea. Why not simply... (Below threshold)

July 5, 2008 2:10 PM | Posted by fred lapides: | Reply

silly idea. Why not simply not read, listen to, the pundits, the op ed dunderheads, the political consultants--then, vote the way you always vote since you began voting because you tend to be liberal, or conservative, or you copy your parents. Or. things going to hell? vote the opposite way.

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