Sumner Redstone is the Chairman of the Board of CBS, UPN, Viacom, MTV, BET, half of the CW, and Showtime, and he is 86 years old and close to the end of his time.   And woe is us.  We're in a lot of trouble.

So, a rich little man with white hair may die.  What's that got to do with the price of rice, right? And why is that woe to us? Because you people and 162 million other Americans watch TV. Because less than 3 percent of you people read books. Because less than 15 percent of you read newspapers.

Because the only truth you know is what you get over this tube. Right now, there is a whole, entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube. This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation. This tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers. This tube is the most awesome goddamn force in the whole godless world. And woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people.

II.

And that's why woe is us that Sumner Redstone may die. Because this company could be in the hands of-- anyone.  There will be a new Chairman of the Board sitting in Mr. Redstone's office on the 20th floor. And when the 12th largest company in the world controls the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, who knows what shit will be peddled for truth on this network.

So, you listen to me. Listen to me. Television is not the truth. Television's a goddamn amusement park. Television is a circus, a carnival, a traveling troupe of acrobats, storytellers, dancers, singers, jugglers, sideshow freaks, lion tamers, and football players. We're in the boredom-killing business.

So if you want the Truth, go to God. Go to your gurus. Go to yourselves! Because that's the only place you're ever going to find any real truth. But, man, you're never going to get any truth from us. We'll tell you anything you want to hear. We lie like hell. We'll tell you that Grissom always gets the killer and that nobody ever gets cancer at the Baywatch house.

And no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don't worry. Just look at your watch. At the end of the hour, he's gonna win. We'll tell you any shit you want to hear.

We deal in illusions. None of it is true.   But you people sit there, day after day, night after night -- all ages, colors, creeds. We're all you know.

III.

You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here. You're beginning to think that the tube is reality and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you -- You dress like the tube. You eat like the tube. You raise your children like the tube. You even think like the tube.

This is mass madness, you maniacs.